Sex And The Single Mom

Think it’s impossible to raise kids on your own and also have a rockin’ love life? Read these smart tips from real women who’ve got it all going on.

By LaDawn Black

ave you ever called a condom a “balloon” or introduced your latest date as “Uncle Mike”? If so, you are more than likely a single mom trying to strike the ever-sensitive balance between living your own life without disrupting your child’s. Dating as a single mom has its own challenges, but when you add sex to the mix, the challenges only grow. What’s the best way to handle your child’s prying questions, not to mention nosy neighbors or those stretch marks you’re not too happy about? For some solutions, I presented this topic to my radio-show listeners and together, we came up with some surefire sex tips for single moms. Here are five things you can do to be a great mom… and also get some satisfaction.

Hide your sexy stash from prying eyes
Every woman should have condoms (and maybe even a sexy toy or two) to enhance the most intimate of moments. But unlike our childless sisters, you have a greater challenge
All women deserve to have a crayon-free bedroom that sets the mood.
keeping these odd-looking items out of the hands of a child touring your sock drawer. My listener Megan had such an experience when her 3-year-old uncovered her mommy’s accoutrements. Her survival plan: “I immediately take her into another room to watch Barney to distract her.” Or, look into creating a pleasure chest: Invest in a lockable box where you can securely store all your goodies.

Sex up your scenery
All women deserve to have a bedroom that sets the mood — but that’s hard to do if it’s littered with kids’ crayons or action figures. So, establish a rule with your children that your bedroom is a toy-free zone. And — this tip is going to break a few hearts — consider moving any framed photos of you and your kids to a more neutral zone in your pad, like the living room or the kitchen. Think back to your high school days, when you turned your bedroom into a den that met all your social (and romantic) needs. Now you have to revisit that design theme. That means making sure that your bed is sexy and appealing, and that there’s a couch or chair in your room, along with a stereo, a TV, a DVD player and so on. The goal here is to make your bedroom the all-purpose room that has everything you need to entertain your man without waking up or involving the whole house. Consider putting a lock on your door as well for those moments when you really don’t want anyone barging in — and don’t feel guilty about it! You’re not shutting your kids out; you’re just paving the way to become a happier parent.

Soundproof your inner sanctum
Of course, most passionate people like to be free to make as much noise as much as they want to. Only can you do this when the kids are right next door? The answer for many women is pillows — and a lot of them. Use them to fill the gap under the door and muffle
Put a lock on your bedroom door—and don’t feel guilty about it!
any enthusiastic exclamations. Some women have even wedged them between the bed and the wall to avoid hearing their headboard bump against the wall, which can scare kids and bring them running to your door. Some other ways to muffle sound: Invest in a great music system for your room that can pump out the music, or even move the action out of your bedroom to another room in the house more distant from the kid’s quarters. Think basement, den or bathroom (after all, taking a bath together can be very sensual!). One single mom named Jay called into my radio show and offered yet another option: “Make sure the kids play hard all day,” she says. “Give them a hot bath and a bottle, and they will sleep through anything!”

Camouflage your imperfections
Nearly all moms have some physical signs of mommyhood. For some women it may be a C-section scar; for others, stretch marks or even added pounds. And when you’re embarking on an interlude with someone who wasn’t involved in creating your “mommy tracks,” you may feel self-conscious. Some solutions: Invest in lots of candles for the boudoir: Candlelight makes everything glow and look smooth. Don’t forget to also invest in a great moisturizer or bronzer for the skin. Darker skin looks firmer; spray-on tanners or tinting creams really can mask stretch marks and other skin imperfections. And that’s hardly the only solution in single moms’ arsenals. Maryanne, for instance, says her top concern is her “saggy belly skin” — how it’s still evident that she carried “a nine-pound bowling ball around for nearly 10 months.” Her remedy? “Lots of lying on my back when kissing a guy — or doing more than that,” she says. “Everything looks wonderfully flat when I’m lying flat.” And remember to always play up and show off your positive attributes; he will simply eat it up.

Getting the guy to go
It’s 6 a.m. and your kids are waking up in an hour… only problem is, there’s a strange man sleeping peacefully in your bed, and no doubt your little tykes will freak if they see him. How can you get him to skedaddle without hurting his feelings? There are two schools of thought on this one. One of my male listeners, John, dismissed this as an obstacle for single moms because “most guys want to leave as soon as he’s finished… he isn’t looking to stay.” On the other side, my listener Tanya employs the direct approach to get him to leave by “making it clear before sex that he has to bounce before the kids wake up.” If the guy is a good guy, he will understand and respect your wishes.

LaDawn Black is a radio personality and the author of Stripped Bare: The 12 Truths for Landing the Very Best Black Man.
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