Your New Year’s Kiss, Decoded

It’s the stroke of midnight and you two turn to each other and your lips move closer… Okay, so what does it mean? Read on for the signals behind the smooch.

By Nina Malkin

1. The “Champagne Is My Chaser” Kiss
You just met this person but, what the hell, it’s a party!

How it feels: Wet—slobbery, in fact. Landing somewhere between your mouth, your neck and your earring. There’s some shoulder gripping going on too—lest he/she fall to the floor mid-kiss.

Why it feels this way: Somebody’s clearly been tossing ’em back with abandon since the
If the kiss is amazing, there’s no need to move too fast...
pre-party. He/she would love to go upstairs with you right now and make out on a pile of coats—if only those stairs weren’t so darn wobbly.

What happens next: A drunken hookup is a drunken hookup is a drunken hookup. Go for it if you want to ring in 2009 horizontally, but don’t expect fireworks. A mid-deed pass-out is possible, and morning-after awkwardness inevitable.

2. The “Thanks For Being My New Year’s Date” Kiss
Neither one of you perfect strangers felt like flying solo.

How it feels: Dry, not much more than a peck. Followed by a polite, sincere smile and aimless wandering glances around the room.

Why it feels this way: You’d both hoped for the best and have been having a pleasant time, but tapioca pudding has more heat.

What happens next: You simply must have brunch or catch a movie sometime in ’09... soon, really!

3. The “I Can’t Believe I Almost Stayed Home Tonight” Kiss
You’d resolved to clean out the refrigerator, but some inner force propelled you into your party clothes. Be grateful!

How it feels: Amazing! Intense! Stomach-fluttery fantastic (and it’s not those questionable canapés)! Slow, gentle pressure, plus irrepressible hands-on contact (no groping), followed by minimal pull-away with sparkling gaze.

Why it feels this way: The New Year’s gods are conspiring in your favor. Can we rub your head for luck?

What happens next: No need to move too fast—if the stuff-in-common is as good as the chemistry, this one will be around way into 2009.

Find yourself smooching a friend? Know that one of you, maybe both, has been in denial about harboring romantic feelings.
4. The “I Can’t Believe I’m Finally Actually Kissing You” Kiss
You find yourself facing a close friend or intriguing acquaintance as the clock strikes midnight.

How it feels: Warm, strong, surprisingly wonderful. Starts out tentative, segues into lips-parted passion, then abruptly ends with you two staring at each other with “did that just happen?” skepticism.

Why it feels this way: One of you, maybe both, has been in denial about harboring romantic feelings. But it’s New Year’s, baby, and all bets are off.

What happens next: Whatever you were to each other prior to this kiss? No more. And there’s no turning back. Call it New Year’s evolution—and deal with it.

5. The “Let’s Go Home…Right…Now!” Kiss
“Auld lang syne”…that’s ancient Celtic for “let’s get busy,” right?

How it feels: Hot, completely in-the-moment. Tongues are engaged. More grinding than the back room of Starbucks.

Why it feels this way: You haven’t had sex all year! (Hey, who cares if the year is only one second old?)

What happens next: Go for it, and let the relation-chips fall where they may. If it turns out to be just one night of unbridled passion, you’re okay with that. But we’re rooting for a Valentine’s Day to remember…

Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions—a saga of sex, drugs, rock and roll.
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