“Why I Never Called Back…”

Wondering why you never heard from that hot guy again? Here are some clues from other gay men about what might really have transpired.

By Chelsea Kaplan

f you’ve ever waited by a silent phone or checked your email a hundred times in an hour, you know how awful it is to be stood up by a guy who promised to call. And the worst part is, you may not know the real reason you never heard from him again. Which is why we rounded up a bunch of date dodgers to find out what made them forgo a follow-up.

‘Because he was a sci-fi geek’
“I met this guy online who started chatting me up and we IM’d for a while. He seemed like a nice guy and his photos were cute, too. For our first date, I
“On a date, you have to ask some questions; that’s basic manners!”
suggested he come over to my place and we’d order in pizza and watch a DVD. He said he was really into movies and volunteered to bring some of his favorites. When he arrived with an armful of Star Trek DVD’s and sci-fi titles, I panicked, because I am so not a sci-fi guy. It was fine for him to like that kind of stuff, but to assume everyone else does — to the point where you inflict your taste upon others — isn’t cool. And at least wait till you and the other person connect on a couple of levels before putting your inner-nerd on display. I was really polite on our movie marathon date—but that was our only date.”
— Gary, 33, Washington, D.C.

‘Because he wouldn’t shut up’
“I once went on a date with a guy who — no kidding — talked throughout the entire meal. I maybe said one sentence the whole night while he jabbered away. It was bad enough that he talked a mile a minute, but what made it worse was that he only talked about celebrity gossip and his friends’ relationship dramas. I left the date with a major headache, and I never called him again. Even if you’re not into the person you’re out with, you’ve got to ask some questions; it’s just good manners 101!”
— John, 26, Houston, TX

‘Because he was still hung up on his ex’
“I was set up with Peter by a friend, and was so excited when he showed up to meet me looking like Colin Firth’s twin. Unfortunately, Peter talked about his ex throughout the entire date, and it was obvious that he was so not over him! I kept trying to steer the conversation onto other topics, but Peter kept steering it right back to his ex, their breakup and how he was still in therapy — two years later — working through it. After the date, I told him that I wouldn’t be calling him because I need someone with a little less baggage. And he didn’t try to convince me otherwise. My advice is, don’t date till you’re really ready to date again!”
— Henry, 35, Great Falls, MI

‘Because he had bad breath’
“Last year I went out with a guy who showed up to meet me with some truly bad breath. I t
“Try to limit your alcohol; too much is a turn-off.”
hought perhaps it would go away after he ate or drank something, but it stayed. I had to stay an arm’s length away from him during the date. A word to the wise: When preparing for a date, make sure you brush up and carry mints or gum in your pocket. It may seem like a little, superficial thing, but seriously, it counts!”
— Paul, 22, Chattanooga, TN

‘Because he and I were looking for different things’
“I once met a guy at a party and we got onto the topic of dating and he nodded his head along with me when I shared how I really wanted to find a soul mate and life partner. So we met for dinner that weekend, but even before the appetizers arrived, he asked me if I was ready to leave the restaurant and head back to one of our places for ‘dessert.’ Throughout the meal, he kept making similar comments. I realized that what he wanted was just a physical relationship, despite what he’d put out there when we spoke at the party. So after we split the check, I politely said goodnight… and didn’t answer his emails after that.”
— Joseph, 25, Red Bank, NJ

‘Because he was a workaholic’
“I went on a blind date with a lawyer who, at the time, was in the middle of a big trial. During dinner, he kept his BlackBerry on the table and must have checked it every minute. He even wandered off three times during our meal to take phone calls. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he never apologized for his behavior. I understood that he was in the middle of an important time at work, but he shouldn’t have asked me out if he couldn’t offer me his full attention. I felt like, if this is how he acts when he should be trying to impress me, how would he act once we were comfortable in a relationship?”
— Jeremy, 29, Chicago, IL

‘Because he got way too drunk’
“I once went out with a guy who loved his margaritas so much that he had at least two pitchers of them — by himself — on our date. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom but didn’t come back for like 20 minutes, I went into the bathroom and found him passed out, like he was in Cancun for spring break or something! It was really unattractive and immature, in my opinion. I’ve got to say, on a first date, try to limit your alcohol—at least enough so that you are awake when it’s over!”
— Greg, 30, Cleveland Heights, OH

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of
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