“Why I Liked His Profile”

Wondering what kind of profile really grabs a woman’s attention? Find out here.

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

hen it comes to online profiles, what is it that captures a woman’s attention—that makes her want to send a wink or an email… or reply to the email you’ve sent? Though different traits appeal to different women, there are certain truths about what works and what doesn’t. With that in mind, we asked several women who’d met someone special online to share their experiences and insights. Learn what wooed these women, and how to apply their lessons when crafting your own “About Me” part of your profile.

“He was looking for a real relationship”
“I was attracted to Fred’s profile for several reasons, aside from the fact that he was a
“Using words like loyal, committed, honest and faithful may catch the relationship-seeking woman’s attention.”
veterinarian and liked old movies—both huge plusses in my book. I specifically remember noticing that he used the word ‘loyal’ several times to describe himself and the person he was seeking. With so many guys just looking to hook up these days, it was refreshing to find someone who seemed to be seeking something more. We’ve now been dating for a couple months and his loyalty is evident and definitely one of his best traits.”
—Caitlin, 31, Garden City, KS

Lesson Learned: Many women are suspicious of potential players, so don’t be afraid to put something about that in your profile. Incorporating words like loyal, committed, honest and faithful may catch the relationship-seeking woman’s attention. The kicker, however, is that you have to mean it or she’ll see right through you on your first coffee date.

“He didn’t just list his interests”
“David was the first and only guy I corresponded with. No lie! Though it’s been seven years since I first read his profile, I do remember that he said something about wanting to meet someone who was ‘willing to learn and willing to teach.’ Instead of just listing adjectives, he used examples to describe himself. ‘Someone who wanted to grow and be patient enough to inspire growth in someone.’ I really connected with that—it really seemed to capture so much about his essence, versus what kind of food he liked and what his favorite movie was. We clicked right away, and we’ve now been married for four years.”
—Tina, 39, Brooklyn, NY

Lesson Learned: Anyone can rattle off a series of descriptive words about themselves—“I’m funny, smart, honest, friendly, and active.” Or “I love travel, beaches, dogs, sunsets, funny movies, good dinners…”. And most profile-readers probably find their eyes glazing over a bit. Intriguing profiles go a step further by setting up scenarios that “show” the reader what you’re like. Instead of saying you’re “caring,” give an example about how you volunteer your time or help friends in need. That will give a woman 10 times more information about you than a single adjective.

“He put his values front and center”
“There were two things that really attracted me to Anthony’s profile. To begin with, he mentioned that he was a devout Christian. That is huge for me because I’m very faith-oriented and need a man in my life who knows what it means to pray. In addition, he mentioned that on a scale of 1-to-10, his family ranked a 10 as far as importance. This was another quality I absolutely responded to since I’m incredibly close with my family and cannot wait to have children of my own someday. His faith and his family values
“You are who you are, and there’s someone out there for you.”
were huge selling points, and when we met in person, it was clear that these qualities were truly important to both of us and drew us together. Five months later we’re talking seriously about the future.”
—Christina, 35, Los Angeles, CA

Lesson Learned: Worried about putting possible deal-breakers into your profile? Don’t be. You are who you are, and there’s someone out there for you. While your innate macho instinct might make you hesitant to mention your strong faith, close relationship with your grandmother, or deep desire to be a daddy, keep in mind that these might just be the very traits that will attract your dream gal. And while opposites do sometimes attract, if there are key lifestyle factors that you have in common, your chances of success as a couple may actually be higher.

“He cared enough to be grammatically correct”
“What attracted me to Eugene’s profile was, first and foremost, that I could tell making a good impression mattered to him. Everything was spelled correctly, the grammar was perfect. I see so many profiles that don’t even use any capitalization. This might be fine in a text message, but not in a profile written by an adult in his 30s or 40s! If a man does not take the time to spell check his profile, then to me it shows he’s just not into making the effort… Eugene’s well-written profile definitely led to our dating.”
—Karrie, 38, New York, NY

Lesson Learned: Here’s a little secret… women actually READ what you write in your profile. So don’t think you can get away with just cruising through the answers and then wait for the responses to pour in. A successful online dating experience begins with a good profile, and that includes taking the time to spell check! Attention to the little details like grammar shows that you’re actually invested in this online dating process because you recognize that your profile is your “first impression.” Take the time and do it right!

“He was totally positive”
“My now-husband’s profile was first attractive to me because it was honest, genuine and upbeat. It wasn’t full of key phrases guys use to make them appear sensitive, like ‘long walks on the beach.’ But the biggest thing I remember is that there was absolutely ZERO negativity in his profile. I am a positive person so I was totally attracted to that.”
—Kathy, 43, Dallas, TX

Lesson Learned: While you may be “sick of the bar scene” or “not sure what I’m doing on this site,” your profile is not the time or place to voice this. You’re both looking online… enough said. No need to be negative about dating. Instead use your 2000 or so available profile characters to give your potential dates a glimpse of what makes you special, what really gets you going and what makes you happy. And be positive about the potential of the Internet to bring you into contact with people you might not meet otherwise. An upbeat attitude about online dating will breed cyber success more than starting with a downer like, “Have all the good ones been taken?”—so think positive!

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Maxim.

Want to hear the guy's side of the story? Read “Why I Liked Her Profile”.

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