Men In Uniform

Who'd have thought our passion for the uniform started when Queen Victoria dressed up men in skirts?

By Elsa K. Simcik

t’s surprising to think that one of the first uniforms to make the girls go gaga was the naval ensemble. You know, the big sailor collar, the sailor hat, the bow. It’s true.

Queen Victoria began dressing young princes in sailor outfits during the mid-19th century. This slightly effeminate look even had some guys donning skirts with their sailor tops. While that may be taking fashion a little too far, the style was a hit and thus began our fascination with uniforms of any —from the five-star general to the crossing guard.

Camouflage is your color
The army thought they were making their soldiers blend in, but instead they made them stand out. What girl can resist a guy in camo? Not only does it
What girl can resist a guy in camo?
represent bravery, resilience and loyalty, it’s just plain flattering. It doesn’t matter if you have a sickly skin-tone, freckles in obscure places or if you’re a “winter” or a “spring,” you’ll look fantastic in this mass of green, brown and black. So if you’re sportin’ a camouflage get-up, don’t try to hide. We can see you just fine. And we like what we see.

Top Guns
With respect to all our men in women in uniform from all branches of the military, the Navy’s got it goin’ on. They proved that they’ve got the market cornered on sexy uniforms when Tom Cruise strutted his stuff as a studly Navy pilot in Top Gun. Ah, let’s take a moment of silence to pay tribute to the green jumpsuit, the bomber jacket and of course, the ultra-erotic aviator sunglasses. It is this uniform that takes Cruise from just a regular sexy guy to Maverick. His white uniform he wears while serenading Kelly McGillis doesn’t hurt, either. Props to the Navy for providing such attractive uniforms to their recruits. You can be sure that in these uniforms, they won’t lose that loving feeling.

Everyday hot heroes
You don’t have to traipse across a battle field to find uniformed
You don’t have to traipse across a battle field to find uniformed hunks.
hunks. You can find them right at your door step. Have you checked out the delivery guy lately? He’s got quite an appealing get-up himself. It involves a brown shirt and matching shorts. While the color is quite becoming on any delivery person, it’s the shorts that are the key element to the uniform. You see, this guy spends a lot of time climbing stairs so he’s built up superior calf muscles. That’s what first attracted Karen to her husband, who just happened to be her local delivery man. “I worked out of my home so he brought me packages at least three times a week. I was so intrigued by his calves that he once asked me what I was staring at!” What a fairy tale romance Karen found. Too bad she makes him wear his work uniform everywhere, even to bed.

It sure would be nice if everyone could wear uniforms, no matter what your profession. Wouldn’t you feel important if you were, say, a computer programmer and you got to wear a uniform adorned with all your programming medals and badges? Or an accountant with aviator sunglasses? Well don’t expect that to happen anytime soon. If everyone walked around in camouflage or delivery style shorts we’d all be too turned on to get any work done. Now there’s a cause worth fighting for.

Elsa K. Simcik is a freelance writer in Atlanta. Her work has appeared in newspapers and magazines including The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Dallas Morning News, Texas Parks and Wildlife Magazine and
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