Suddenly Single Baby Boomer?

What’s the best way to plunge into the dating pool and come out a winner, especially if you’re a suddenly single baby boomer? To bungle along by yourself? Or to learn some dating street smarts from those who’ve been there, done that?

By Dee Anne Stiles

ersonal experience is not always the best teacher. Learning from the dating experience and advice of fellow singles is by far easier,quicker, and less frustrating.

For a shortcut to your dating success, we asked some singles to share their top 10 dating secrets and advice:

1. Solving the biggest dating problem
Two of the biggest problems among singles (especially newly divorced
“It’s hard to totally rebuild a whole new social life after a divorce.”
singles) is how and where to meet quality people to date and how to find new friends to rebuild their social lives. Many report that the best solution they’ve found for meeting other singles is through online dating services, and here’s why:

“It’s hard to totally rebuild a whole new social life after a divorce. Where in the world do you meet quality people? Not at bars and I don’t date people from work.

Online dating opens up a whole new world of potential friends, dates and hopefully a soul mate who I would never have access to in daily life. I like reading a person’s profile and getting to know her, before I decide to go out,” said one single guy.

“There are a lot of good, professional people who use online dating services, who are also serious about making new friends and finding a lasting love relationship,” he added.

2. Follow the one-/two-year rule to avoid the rebound trap
“If you’re newly divorced, don’t go right into another serious relationship,” advises another single. “You’re usually too vulnerable and not together enough yet to make good relationship choice decisions. Take at least one year and preferably two or more to go through the divorce stages, grow up, and grow out into a strong, centered, whole person.”

3. Know what you want and stick to it
Another experienced single advises: “Do some research and
Look at the dating journey as a good opportunity to experience new adventures…
introspection. Make your list of what you want and need for a lasting love relationship. Stick to it. Don’t fall into the ‘settle-for-less’ trap. I’ve seen too many of my friends get impatient for a love relationship, overlook some important things, and get stuck in a bummer, detrimental relationship.”

4. Be aware of your past mistakes and don’t repeat them
“They say insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results,” notes one of our dating experts. “Wow, is that ever true! Review your past dating patterns and relationships. Become aware of your mistakes. Then, you can make different and better dating choices to get a lasting love relationship where everyone wins and finally lives happily ever after.”

5. Don’t become seduced by lust, looks, money and romance
“It’s so easy to get swept up by these outside, material attractions and not really see who the person is for him or herself,” says another single. “They won’t fill your heart, or be there for you in life’s ups and downs. Select a person according to the inside qualities that are so critical to a strong love relationship.”

6. Always listen to your intuition and don’t ignore the warning signs
“Listen to those red flags AND green flags,” advises a dating pro. “When in doubt, always follow your intuition—you know that little Guardian Angel voice inside your head. It’s usually right.”

7. Play investigative journalist
“Ask a lot of good questions to really get to know the person,” our pro continues. “Find out the important things like background, family, values, career, lifestyle, habits, financial responsibility and emotional health and maturity.”

8. Use good old common sense
“Keep yourself in positive, safe situations by using good old common sense like: Meet new people in public places for a quick coffee or lunch. Don’t mix alcohol with dating and meeting new people. Don’t give a lot of personal information out until you feel safe and assured about another person. Take time to really get to know someone.”

9. Like in life, enjoy the dating journey
“Hey, like in life, all sorts of things happen in the dating world,” notes one single. “Don’t take them all so personally and seriously. Look at the dating journey as a good opportunity to experience new adventures, expand your social horizons, develop yourself, and find all the fun and adventure along this life’s journey.”

10. Keep the faith, baby
“As Winston Churchill said, ‘Never, never, never give up.’ Your soul mate is out there. My friend must have gone out with over 100 women, and then he finally found his soul mate on Keep the faith, persistence pays.”

Dee Anne Stiles is a freelance writer who frequently contributes to Happen magazine.
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