What’s That Guy’s Secret?

They notice earrings… call as promised (gasp!). Let us reveal these and other secrets of dudes who get tons of girls.

By Chelsea Kaplan

ou don’t have to be loaded or look like Matthew McConaughey to successfully reel in women. We polled chick magnets across the country for their rules of attraction. And we must say, these guys have some secrets worth stealing.

Take notice
“I’ve found that women love getting compliments on
“I make a lot of eye contact—but not in a creepy way.”
their appearance. I always pick one aspect of how she looks and comment on why I think it’s fantastic. I try to be specific so she feels it’s genuine and not just an attempt to score points (even thought that’s sort of what it sometimes is!). Instead of saying something general like, ‘You look nice,’ I might say, ‘I really like your earrings; that shade of blue matches your eyes’ or ‘I love those boots; they make your legs look incredible.’ Women are amazed that I pay that kind of attention and they’re always appreciative.”
—Thom, 33, actor, Manhattan Beach, CA

Be spontaneous
“One thing women always comment on is that I’m a spontaneous, take-charge kind of guy—and they really like that. If I’m out on a first date and a woman mentions how she used to go bowling a lot when she was a kid, I’ll say, ‘So let’s go bowling right after we finish our dessert.’ Or if it’s winter and the mood strikes, I’ll drive a date to the beach, just to look at the water. I think women like a man who isn’t afraid to act on impulse and do things that really make you enjoy life.”
—Brian, 35, radio-station manager, Boston, MA

Talk the talk
“Most people love talking about themselves, so when I first meet a woman I’m interested in, I’ll ask questions so that she’s doing most of the talking. Not only does it make her happy, but it’s a great way to get to know her—everyone wins! I usually ask about her childhood first — Where did she grow up? Did she like it? What did her parents do? — and then I’ll ask questions about her present job, apartment and her goals for the future. Women are drawn to me because it’s clear I’m not just drawn to them for their looks.”
—Danny, 30, graduate student, Pittsburgh, PA

Play the charm card
“In my experience, I get a lot more dates than my friends because I flirt—a lot. I think dating should be a fun, playful experience. So I’m not afraid to approach a woman, but before I launch into a corny pickup line I’ll say, ‘Promise me I get a do-over if you hate this opening line.’ Or I’ll go over to an attractive woman and ask her, ‘What’s it like being the prettiest girl in this room?’ I have to say, I think my relaxed, joke-y way of approaching women really works.“
—Tom, 38, architect, Chicago, IL

Find a funky, fun first date
“I always try to take a girl on a really different first date—one that will show her that I’m a spontaneous, up-for-anything person. I shy away from the typical dinner or movie and instead choose something that’s different and cool, yet still
“If you treat a woman like a Queen, she’ll want you to be her King.”
within her comfort zone. I can’t say it’s always cheap or easy, but I like the creative challenge of coming up with something memorable and romantic. I’ve arranged for a private, at-home cooking lesson with a chef from one of my favorite restaurants, scheduled a rooftop massage for two and even once took a girl on a helicopter ride over the city. I want her to feel like she’ll always have fun if she continues to see me. And the strategy has been working, knock wood.”
—Michael, marketing strategist, 29, New York, NY

Eye, eye, sir
“When I am with a woman—whether I am talking to her, dancing with her, or eating with her, I make as much eye contact as possible. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that communicates, ‘I am paying attention to you and am genuinely interested in being here with you.’ Essentially, you want to convey that you only have eyes for her, no pun intended. Nothing makes a woman feel more insecure than a guy whose eyes are darting around the room. I find women really respond to this and really open up.”
—Oliver, 29, lawyer, Hartford, CT

No call-waiting
“Contrary to what you see in the movies and on TV, I think it’s always best to call a girl when you say you are going to call and not play stupid waiting games. What’s that all about? If I tell a girl I’ll call her tomorrow, I do, and I always get a good reaction. In fact, I think it’s sad when girls are surprised that I follow up as promised. The right kind of girl doesn’t want a guy who plays games. Treat a woman with respect, and she’ll want to be around you.”
—Jeffrey, 31, sales representative, Chamblee, GA

Be a gentleman
“I admit it’s old-fashioned, but I always open doors for a woman, pull out her chair before she sits and stand when she gets up from the table. Women are sometimes a little surprised by my actions, but ultimately they appreciate it. A woman once told me that doing those things made her feel like a lady and that’s what it’s all about. If you treat a woman like a Queen, she’ll want you to be her King, so to speak!”
—Larry, 27, lawyer, Miami, FL

Want to hear the other side of the story—how women who always get the guy do it? Read Why I Always Get The Guy.

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor at Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at
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