The Mysteries Of Women—Explained

If you’ve ever wondered why the females of the species go to the bathroom in pairs and ask “Do I look fat?”—we’ve got answers.

By Nina Malkin

ost men, at some point in their dating lives, have witnessed a woman do something that, in a guy’s mind, makes absolutely, positively no sense whatsoever. And while it’s tempting to throw up your hands and chalk up women’s puzzling behavior to PMS or temporary insanity, we’re here to say that, on the contrary, there is a method to the apparent madness. In the interest of helping men and women relate better, we’ve clarified some of the most mind-boggling mysteries of womankind—so you fellas no longer have to sit there stumped, scratching your head.

Why do women always go to the bathroom in pairs?
No, our bladders aren’t telepathically in sync. This bonding ritual allows us to compare notes about the guys we’ve been
When women go to the bathroom together, we’re comparing notes on guys we’re flirting with.
talking to. “Women hit the bathroom in pairs to chat about their dates and strategize the rest of the evening,” says Donna Spangler, author of How to Get a Rich Man: The Princess Formula. Or, as Aurora, 28, from Miami, reveals, “We’re calling dibs on which cute guy we’re after that night.” Basically, if some gals have just left your side for the loo, you can bet you’re being scrutinized. And generally, that’s a good thing and bodes well for your prospects that night.

Why do women expect you to pay the check even if they make more money than you?
Blame history, baby. “The traditional exchange between the sexes, for thousands of years, is that men offer money, protection and status to women, and in return women offer beauty, sex, and offspring,” explains BJ Gallagher, author of Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Other Women. Adds Marilyn Graman, author of How To Be Cherished: “It shows you care, that you’re interested in her, that you respect her.” So pony up—you needn’t take her to the fanciest joint in town. Explains LaToya, 24, from Bellflower, CA, “Even paying for my dinner at McDonald’s shows something.”

Why do women feel compelled to fix up their friends with your friends?
This matchmaking impulse isn’t purely about cultivating some great double-date prospects; it goes deeper than that. “Women provide the social glue that holds society together. We understand that humans are hardwired for relationships,” explains Gallagher. “So women take it upon themselves to facilitate this process by playing matchmaker.” And whether your buddy John and her pal Rachel end up in love isn’t really the point—what this boils down to is that you should be flattered. “It’s a compliment to you,” says Spangler. “She likes you and respects your judgment enough to think your friends are worthy of her friends.”

Why do women insist on snuggling after sex?
“Because it feels good. Really,” says Ashley, 34, from Houston. Need a more scientific explanation? “For women, sex stimulates a desire to be close and connect,” says Graman. And while you might not feel the same way, there is a good reason for you to humor her. “It might lead to more sex,” points out Liza, 27, from San Diego. So if you’re raring for round two, give her a hug!

Why do women always ask if you think other women are attractive?
If we inquire about the hot factor of some other chick, we’re basically feeling one of two ways. “Either very secure and just curious about
“A woman self-deprecates because she’s in need of a little validation…”
what turns you on, or very insecure and in need of reassurance,” says Lydia Hanich, author of Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big? A Couple’s Guide to Food and Body Talk. Plus, as Gallagher points out, “Women are just as competitive as men,” she says. “We’re always assessing how we measure up, because we’re concerned about keeping the man we have.” But come now, you’re not really interested in why we ask—you want to know how to reply to this loaded question. “The correct answer,” schools Aurora, “is always ‘not as attractive/voluptuous/fit/insert-appropriate-adjective-here as you, my dear!’” Better yet, advises Hanich, refuse to play this game of counter-productive comparison and say: “Why would I look at another woman when I’m here with you? I’d much rather talk about how hot you are!”

Why do women ask, “Do I look fat in this?”
No, it’s not because we want an honest answer about how we should lay off the sweets a bit. More likely we’re just fishing for a compliment. “Sometimes a woman self-deprecates because she’s in need of a little external validation,” says Hanich. In other words, the only correct answer to this is some form of “No way, you look great!”

Why do women expect you to read their minds?
Sure, it’s a tall order to expect a man to intuit if “something’s wrong” because we’re moping, or to figure out on your own what we want as a gift for our birthdays. But when you do hit the bull’s eye, it shows you care—and are paying attention to us. Meena, 27, from Woodbridge, NJ, puts it this way: “In our utopia, we would have significant others who know us so well they could predict our needs and frustrations without us having to spell them out.” And don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think: We will drop hints. Just keep a heads-up for things like “My friend Mary said that new Peruvian restaurant is amazing” or “I hear Norah Jones is coming to town, I’ve always wanted to see her in concert.” That’s girl speak for “Surprise me with reservations/tickets,” guys. Spring them on her and you’re golden.

Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions.
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