Write Your Own Ticket To Love

A renowned life coach shows you the four steps to getting the romance you want—and deserve! Read’s simple and it’s fun.

By Laura Berman Fortgang

ou know those crummy messages that sneak inside your head when you’re having a bad single day: that life is not worth living if you’re not in love—or at least paired up. Sure, true love can be sweet, but you don’t have to feel forlorn and helpless if you haven’t found someone (or The One). As a life coach and best-selling author, I can show you how to take matters into your own hands. The big secret? It’s all about feeling more in love with your life — just the way it is — which will, in turn, increase your odds of receiving the love you want.

Step 1: Start treating yourself a whole lot better
Looking for love often makes us forget that the nurtured person makes a better mate. Eat better, sleep better, talk to yourself more kindly, get massages and treat yourself extremely well. If you're waiting for someone else to enter your life and treat you right, you are missing a lot of love you could have now. The more loved you feel going about your daily business, the more confident and attractive you'll be.

Exercise: Write down all the things you would do for yourself if you were in a new romantic relationship (buy new clothes, work out more, get a cool haircut, learn to use that slow-cooker). Once you have an honest list in front of you, start doing one thing on the list per day, right now, before the mate shows up.

Write down all the things you would do for yourself if you were in a new romantic relationship.
Step 2: Adjust your perspective
To get more of the love you want, you may need to shift your perspective. Ask yourself honestly if you see a potential mate as someone who would “complete” you. (It worked for Renee Zellweger in Jerry McGuire, but let's get real.) This doesn’t put you in a position of strength and could spell desperation. Instead, wrap your mind around seeing a mate as someone who could enhance your life.

Exercise: Take a big piece of paper and write down the names of your most recent dates or exes. Next to each name, write whether the person enhanced your life or drained your energy. Keep this list up on the back of your bedroom door for several months to remind you that you can make new choices and get what you really need.

Step 3: Be adventurous
Bust out of your own love rut by busting out of your routine. Take on a new hobby, a new sport, a new restaurant or a new bunch of friends. Doing interesting things opens you up to the possibility of meeting interesting people. Be open to adventure and you just may put yourself in the path of someone who is an unexpected “type” for you, but a great match.

Exercise: Take a moment to jot down three things you’ve heard yourself say you’ve wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to. Take out your PDA or calendar and set a date and time to start this new journey. Avoid the urge to bring a familiar person with you and just let your curious side come out. Be open and expect nothing. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Step 4: Give to get
One of the quickest ways to get love in your life is to give it. Saving all your love for one yet-to-materialize person can only work against you. Just as parents know that having more kids does not reduce the amount of love there is to share among them, you’ll feel more love by giving more love. In turn, that makes you even more lovable.

Exercise: Contact those people you know want to hear from you more. Be a little kinder to your mother, sister, brother, aunt and while you’re at it, even your boss. Call a friend you know feels neglected by you. If all this does not make you feel more love in your life, go sign up to help at a soup kitchen, hospital or children’s charity and see how fast your heart fills up. You never know who you may meet while you’re out there sharing the love.

Laura Berman Fortgang is the author of Living Your Best Life and Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction. As one of the pioneers of the personal coaching field, she has worked with hundreds of clients to improve the quality of their lives. She is currently in the process of becoming ordained as an Interfaith Minister.
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