Dating Success Secrets Of Shorter Men

Getting passed over for dates — literally? Listen in as these men of a certain height are making the ladies swoon… and why some women actually prefer them to their taller counterparts.

By Theo Pauline Nestor

“He’s got to be tall.” We’ve all heard women say this about their dream guy. But if we take a gander out in the world, we can gather evidence in any crowded park or restaurant that the planet is populated with many shorter men who are happily enjoying time with their partners — just like their
The ‘I love tall men’ women are resume fillers.
taller counterparts. Could it be that not every woman in the world is looking for someone who could play center for the New York Knicks? Is it possible that one’s height does not determine one’s romantic fate? Yes; in fact, many think that might be the case — and here’s why shorter men’s chances at being lucky in love are better than you once assumed:

Some women think having a height requirement is outdated
While there are still plenty of women who mention height on their wish lists for a partner, many think that focusing on it is a habit that harkens back to a time before gender equality. “When I hear women go the ‘tall men’ preference route, my first thought is that the woman is pretty superficial and has a cheerleader mentality,” says Claudine Hanani, founder of the Hanani Group. “I know that’s a bias and not true, but it sounds so Barbie/Ken-ish. The ‘I love tall men’ women are resume fillers. They have some resume they cooked up based on shallow stereotypes and are looking to fulfill a 12-year-old mentality. Sure, at the age of 12 — when we are immature and new to romance — we have no footing, so we cook up these masculine ideals because we’re naive. As we mature and grow our intellects, we see that the definition of masculinity is far from ‘tall.’ It’s multi-dimensional and very much about the man’s core, which is expressed in his energy, passion and whole aura and vibe. That is what makes a man attractive and sexy.”

Seattle native Jessica T., 41, concurs: “Having had some substantial experience with men, I’ve tried only to exclude jerks,” Jessica says. “Some of the most wonderful partners I’ve had have been wiry little guys with big hearts and intellects. It’s high time we lose the primitive (and sexist) looking-for-a-protector attitude and embrace the post-modern man.”

Shorter men can avoid accidentally falling for shallow women
“At 5’7", I used to feel a bit self-conscious about my less-than-average-height,” admits Clay Andrews, a dating and relationship coach at “However, height really doesn’t matter for the most part. As long as you can set the tone and take the lead by approaching a woman and getting to know her, you’ll be surprised at how receptive they can be — regardless of your height.”

“Never let what a woman says about height get to you — or keep you from approaching her or messaging her online,” Andrews says. “If you like her, then approach her. If she turns you down because of your height, then consider yourself lucky. Such a woman is likely to be incredibly shallow. Her ‘rejection’ just saved you so much time that you could be spending with more open-minded and flexible women.
The giraffe is elegant, but the cheetah has a raw sexiness.
This can be a huge advantage for shorter guys, because it immediately disqualifies the shallow women and frees them up to date those who care about more than a man’s stature.”

Some women prefer shorter men
Another overlooked factor in the dating game is that not only are some women OK with shorter men, some even prefer them. “My position is that shorter men have great balanced, cheetah-like bodies,” Hanani says. “They are tight and gymnast-like in many ways, and that is super-sexy. Honestly, I think the midrange-height guys have this sexiness that a tall, lanky man often (not always, but often) does not. It’s like the difference between a cheetah and a giraffe. The giraffe is elegant, but the cheetah has a raw sexiness. I like tall men and have been attracted to many of the, yet some of my greatest relationships have been with men around 5’10" in height. I love being able to kiss someone easily, and when we press our bodies together, we match. I also have no need to gaze up at someone. I’m into equity, not a ‘protector.’ I want us to protect each other, both as strong and capable people.”

Shorter men often adopt a positive mindset that leads to dating success
Daters of every height need to have the kind of confidence that can handle the ups and downs of dating, but shorter men might have an edge on developing that type of thinking from the outset. Adam LoDolce, dating coach and author of Being Alone Sucks!, emphasizes the importance of exuding a confident attitude. “Women judge men for how well they can handle their own insecurities,” LoDolce explains. “If you’re insecure about it, then they will be able to read it immediately. However, if you’re proud and can be the bigger man — no pun intended — in regards to your challenge, then they’ll find it endearing.” Andrews also emphasizes the importance of projecting a positive attitude, especially one of self-acceptance. “Ultimately, height shouldn’t be a factor when it comes to dating,” he says. “Just treat it like it’s not an issue — and surprisingly, it won’t be.” And LoDolce agrees: “If you are a shorter man, it is incredibly important to never talk about your height difference with the woman. Stand tall, hold your head high, and literally never mention it as being a problem.”

Many men are becoming comfortable with dating taller women
When account coordinator John Everette first met his girlfriend, he didn’t take much notice of her height. “I’m 5’10" and she’s about an inch taller than me,” Everette says. “Once we started seriously dating, I noticed it more when she would get dressed up and put on heels. In that case, there’s about a two- or three-inch height difference, and it’s definitely noticeable. As a guy who’s pretty comfortable in his own skin, it didn’t take me too long to get over it… but I won’t say that it’s never bothered me,” Everette admits. “I’ve always wished my ‘growth spurt’ would have lasted a little longer. But in the end, you just have to say ‘screw it’ and decide that the relationship is way more important than your ego. You should also be prepared to put up with some joking from your friends!”

Theo Pauline Nestor is the author of How to Sleep Alone in King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over and a regular contributor to Happen magazine.
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