Finding Love Is EASY!

If you’ve found dating to be difficult, why not take it easy? All you have to do is change your perceptions, according to this counselor and author. Find out how in our exclusive Q&A below...

By Chelsea Kaplan

re you discovering that your search for Mr. or Ms. Right is about as simple as finding a needle in a haystack? According to Julia Rogers Hamrick, author of Choosing Easy World, searching for your soul mate doesn’t have to be a difficult endeavor. In our Q&A with Hamrick below, consider her suggestions on how to move into “Easy World” and make dating less difficult:

Briefly, what is “Easy World,” and what is “Difficult World?”

“Easy World” is a love-filled reality where everything flows effortlessly and works together harmoniously to support your well-being and your joy — and the well-being and joy of everyone else. It’s our natural state of being and has been in
Easy World is the world that love creates.
place since life began, but we’ve forgotten about it because we’ve been mostly living in “Difficult World.” I’ll explain what Difficult World (DW) is, but I probably don’t have to — we’re all intimately familiar with it! Difficult World is a painful, frustrating place created by the fear-driven ego. It does not support your well-being or joy — just the opposite, in fact. It continually undermines your own well-being (and that of others) and it pulls you out of joy. Simply put, Easy World is the world that love creates, and Difficult World is the world that fear creates. We always have a choice of which reality to create our lives and relationships within. We choose Easy World when we relax and allow the all-knowing, all-powerful, completely benevolent forces that are always at work for us in Easy World to work things out. We choose Difficult World when we try to control things using our limited, short-sighted, fearful ego’s limited perspective. Needless to say, we like how things work out in Easy World far better than how they work out in Difficult World!

How do both factor into dating in order to find love?

What we human beings are always seeking is Love, and authentic Love can only be experienced in Easy World. (Notice I use a capital “L” to differentiate between Love, the pure benevolent energy that runs the universe, and the iffy human emotional state we call “love”). When we seek a relationship with another person, we’re seeking the secure feeling of being known and fully accepted for who we are while we’re experiencing a powerful sense of wholeness, harmony and joy. These are qualities that are only supported in Easy World. Dating, however, seems to bring out a lot of Difficult World behavior! Dating — and all it entails — seems to be an arena in which the fearful ego is especially stirred up and ready to cause trouble. That’s why otherwise centered, successful, easygoing and generally happy people find themselves completely flummoxed when it comes to dating!

So many people think that dating is hard. Why isn’t it hard, according to the principles of Easy World?

The reason people think dating is hard is because they’ve been dating in Difficult World. In Easy World, where Love calls the shots, nothing is hard… nothing at all! Therefore, dating in Easy World can’t possibly be hard. But you have to actually be in EW to experience that. Events may not necessarily unfold they way you think you want them to in Easy World, but if you are truly living in Easy World, you won’t mind one bit. Indeed, you will find how things actually do unfold to be delightful and better than you could have ever imagined.

What is someone doing, exactly, if they’re dating in Difficult World? What are some Difficult World dating behaviors people often display?

Think of every bad date or nightmare relationship story you ever heard (or have experienced). That will provide a good start in understanding what dating in Difficult World is all about!
It’s those feelings of resistance and tension that keep you in Difficult World.
You’re dating in Difficult World (and will suffer the pain of DW) if you’re worrying about how the other person perceives you, obsessing over what he or she said, did or didn’t do, and trying to figure out how to interpret it — trying to modify who you are or how you behave in order to try and fit that idea of what someone else is looking for, choosing who to date based on the status they can bring you and/or trying to manipulate the other person in any way. You’re ultimately getting ahead of what’s actually unfolding in your relationship and thinking about the future and your fears about it or expectations of it.

What is an Easy World style of dating?

Relaxing, having fun, just being yourself, acting out of Love instead of fear, and staying in the moment all characterize what dating feels like in Easy World. Having faith that everything is in place to support your well-being and joy so that you don’t have to worry or try to control things is the way to date in Easy World. Even when things don’t seem to be matching your expectations of how they should be, trusting that everything is unfolding to your benefit will keep you in Easy World, experiencing fulfillment and joy. By the way, you are never more attractive and sexy than when you are in Easy World!

How can you move forward into Easy World when you’re used to dating in Difficult World?

First, please understand that we’re all straddling both worlds all the time. No one is totally in Difficult World all the time nor are they in Easy World all the time, either. To move from Difficult World to Easy World anytime, regardless of the situation, you can use this powerful sequence. First, say the Easy World magic words: “I choose to live in Easy World where everything is easy.” That brings you to the threshold of Easy World. Next, take the following Easy World actions: breathe. Take a deep, full breath and release it, along with all the stress and tension you’ve picked up in Difficult World. Next, relax. When you relax, you will be naturally drawn back into the embrace of Easy World. It’s those feelings of resistance and tension that keep you in Difficult World. Then, allow. Allow yourself to be pulled into Easy World and allow whatever is going on in Difficult World to just go on without you — it’s none of your concern anymore. You’re in Easy World now! And last but not least, enjoy. Enjoying being in Easy World moves you deeper into it and helps keep you there. Oh — and one more thing: watch the magic unfold!

How can finding one’s soul mate be “Easy?”

Since everything is easy in Easy World, the first step, of course, is to choose Easy World. For this to happen, you must be ready to allow it. It is stunning to me how many people say they are longing for a relationship and swear they are ready and willing, but if they truly were — if everything within them were saying “Yes!” to a relationship — they’d have it. If you’ve already found your partner and the two of you are spending more time in Difficult World than you’d like, you can transform everything by choosing Easy World instead!

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broad Minded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at
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