Normally, my husband’s hair is as long as mine. In fact, fans of the animated series Metalocalypse would agree that he bears a striking resemblance to Toki Wartooth (though some of the elderly religious ladies in our neighborhood insist he looks just like Jesus). During summer, however, my guy always does what he’s already done several times before — shave it off, shave it alllllll off. And he’s just as sexy to me bald as with a full head of silky locks. But since some women harbor a bias against baldies, I thought I’d point out a few reasons why a guy who hasn’t got all his hair is really all that — and more.
He’s about face. My sweetie’s got gorgeous blue eyes with lashes an ostrich would envy, and they’re far more noticeable when he’s bald. And in my continual observations of men (I’m married, not blind), I’ve found there’s no better foil for a standout feature than a clean scalp. Be it an aquiline nose, chiseled cheekbones or a powerful jaw, the backdrop of baldness sets it on display.
He’s wash and go. Hair — as any woman knows from fussing with her own — requires copious grooming, and less maintenance can equal more masculine (sorry, I know it’s a stereotype but one that a lot of women I spoke to voiced!). “I don’t want to be with a man whose gel and mousse routine is more elaborate than mine,” says my friend Amy, who’s never seen her guy with a strand above his eyebrows. Am I guilty of buying my husband his first bottle of conditioner when he struggled with snarls during the early stages of his current great grow-out? Yes. But am I pleased to have more bathroom time to myself during his bald phase? Yup!
View Singles on Match.com
He feels fantastic. Have you ever stroked a freshly-shaved head? If so, you know the basis for the adage “Once you go bald, you never go back!” Indeed, fans of bald dudes can have a very strong desire to touch and kiss their partners’ clean-shaven heads. “I’m crazy about the way it feels,” says one woman who wishes to remain anonymous.
He’s thoroughly modern. Baldness has always held a certain futuristic sensibility. There’s something streamlined, sleek and even chic about a hairless head, so in a way, bald is the new hair. As the century turned, Elite model Mick T. (whose vital stats proudly list “bald” under “hair color”) represented the new era on a Newsweek cover, and now that this decade is nearly over, the time for bald has come.
He’s either a biker kind of guy… Archetypically, bald guys fall into one of two attractive categories. First up, the cool tough guy. Often personified by athletes, a la Evander Holyfield, Charles Barkley, Michael Jordan and Andre Agassi, such action stars as Jason Statham and Vin Diesel, and (ooh!) let’s not forget my earliest crush, Popeye, these guys push the envelope of hairlessness. He needs to be the ultimate in aerodynamic sleekness and so shaves off what pesky stuff may remain around the perimeter.
Or he’s a sweetie. Flip the archetype script for the triple threat of smart, sensitive and spiritual — the bald fella who’ll translate the gobbledygook of a computer manual for you, compose a sonnet and master the lotus position all in the course of a single date. Think the Dalai Lama; think Buddha. Or to bring it down to earth a tad, think musicians like Moby and American Idol alum Chris Daughtry. While I’ve never dated a bona fide prophet or a rock star, I can speak with authority about a former bald boyfriend who enjoyed poetry, checked in regularly with his higher power and easily programmed my VCR (it was the 90s, OK?).
He’s beyond bald. Despite all the paeans above, you may simply believe that bald is not your bag. But before you dismiss every mane-challenged man out there, listen to these wise words from my friend Jenny: “I wouldn’t say I’m attracted to bald guys, but I’ve been attracted to guys who happened to be bald.” In other words, she is drawn to the man in all his glory — the sense of humor and the killer smile and all the other qualities that contribute to the total package. If you ban bald guys as potential loves, you vastly limit your dating options. So keep in mind that hair does not make the man. Take my man, for instance. The reason he hasn’t seen the barber in four years lies in his intention to reach the necessary 10-inch-long tresses required for a donation to Locks of Love, the organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged kids suffering from medical hair loss. That’s the kind of person he is — and that’s why I love him. And there are plenty of other guys out there whose heads may be challenged, follicle-wise, but their hearts are definitely in the right place and then some…
Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.