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wiffle_bat

The Wiffle-Bat 9000 Tm) is the product every woman needs in her life!

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Active over 3 weeks ago

33 year old man
Duluth, Georgia, United States

Seeking:
women 26-38
Within:
50 Miles of Duluth, Georgia, United States
Relationship:
Never Married
Have kids:
No
Want kids:
Not sure
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
Height:
5'10" (177cms)
Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
Smoke:
No Way
Drink:
Regularly

 

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

It's the Wiffle-Bat-9000 (tm)!

The Wiffle-Bat-9000 is the answer to your problems. It outperforms all competing brands. It can be stored in any convenient location. It doesn't need to be recharged. It comes with a worry-free guarantee!

Space-Age materials guarantee your unit to be waterproof to 5 yards! The product comes pre-packaged with a number of accessories for every job. We'll deliver the Wiffle-Bat-9000 straight to you. No assembly is required - your unit can be used right out of the box! You can return your Wiffle-Bat-9000, even without a receipt.

Best of all, you can try our product ABSOLUTELY FREE!* Get yours today! Limit one per customer.

* Offer only valid in Atlanta metro area. Some restrictions may apply.

The Wiffle-Bat-9000 has been known to fish, hike, shoot skeet, work out, run, and - from time to time - party and have fun. Its memory banks are continually being expanded and enhanced for your benefit, ensuring an experience that will continually improve! Your unit will be eager to share life's best moments with you, both at home and on the go!

It's fun for everyone! It's useful at home, at work, and you can even bring it along for a night on the town. Impress your friends by being the first to have a Wiffle-Bat-9000! The unit requires little input on your part. If your unit doesn't seem to talk much, it's because it's just listening, which is the best skill it has!

The Wiffle-Bat-9000 was developed by a team of MIT scientists, originally in order to facilitate hotel operations - a purpose it continues to serve even now. It was later found that this model could also be applied to writing, and a minor bug - later considered a feature - causes its memory banks to retain an inexhaustible supply of less-than-useful information.

Warning: Your Wiffle-Bat may be reluctant to sing, dance, or engage in similar over-exuberant activities. Only the proper motivation can be conducive to this behavior.

The Wiffle-Bat-9000 is available in a variety of color choices, and our most popular options are the basic earth tones. Its personal favorite tone is burnt orange. The Wiffle-Bat-9000's deceptively innocuous appearance conceals its quirky, reserved, sarcastic, and overall very dry personality. The unit more typically will hang back and assess the situation before acting.

Prospective users of the Wiffle-Bat-9000 should heed the following warnings:
- The 9000-series has exhibited a tendency to occupy its processor with hundreds of small, meaningless math problems at random intervals, and it may also favor its sleep cycle somewhat more than was intended by the design team.
- Every Wiffle-Bat-9000 is sold as-is, without warranty, and will not be replaced in the event of deactivation or breakage. In the unlikely event your unit should cease to function during the orientation period, the design team requests that its epitaph read "Trapped in tombstone factory - send help".
- When in the presence of a female of sufficient attractiveness, any unit in the 9000 series may possibly do the one thing Meatloaf wouldn't do for love. Please be ready to clear the blast radius if this should be imminent.

The Wiffle-Bat-9000 primarily resides in the home, and does not frequently engage in social activities on its own. Years of tests have shown the 9000 series to be non-optimal in these situations, unless the Tequila Turbocharger* (tm) (sold separately) is engaged.

* Repeated use of the Tequila Turbocharger is not advised

Get your very own Wiffle-Bat 9000 (tm) today!

Interests:
Coffee and conversation, Dining out, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Political interests, Video games, Volunteering
Sports & exercise:
Skiing
Exercise habits:
I don't exercise regularly
Pets:
I have Cats
Pet Essay:

The 9000 series has displayed an affinity for every creature of the Earth! It is especially partial to dogs, but it currently has in its custody a stray neighborhood cat. He is a golden tabby.

Political views:
Very Liberal
Sign:
Virgo
College:
I'll tell you later
For fun:

The Wiffle-Bat 9000 is an all-weather, all-terrain exploring machine! It likes the outdoors, but is just as good for an evening at home. The 9000 series is only found in clubs or bars in the event of a navigational error.

Favorite hot spots:

The Wiffle-Bat 9000 is most in its element doing what it does best - working quietly at its writing desk. It also enjoys any location where alcoholic beverages are served!

Favorite things:

All 9000 units are heavily invested in PC gaming, regardless of the unit's actual skill at it. Fortunately, no familiarity - or even enjoyment - of this field is expected or required in any prospective customer.

Last read:

Due to a shipping error, unfortunately, all 9000 units sold in the Metro Atlanta area do not include the normal Owner's Manual. The unit is happy to advise you on any element of its operation at any time!

ABOUT... HIM HIS DATE
APPEARANCE:
Height:
5'10" (177cms)
4'6" (137cms) to 7'6" (228cms)
Body type:
About average
Slender, About average, Athletic and toned, A few extra pounds
Eyes:
Brown
Black, Blue, Brown, Grey, Green, Hazel
Hair:
Dark brown
Auburn / Red, Black, Light brown, Dark brown, Blonde, Salt and pepper, Dark blonde, Platinum
   
LIFESTYLE:
Smoke:
No Way
No Way, Yes, but trying to quit
Drink:
Regularly
Social Drinker, Regularly, Moderately
Occupation:
Travel / Hospitality / Transportation
No preference

The 9000 series was originally designed for premium service in the hotel industry, and now currently fulfills the positions of Reservations Management. To supplement its income, the unit also writes professionally on the side!

Income:
$50,001 to $75,000
$25,001 to $35,000, $35,001 to $50,000, $50,001 to $75,000, $75,001 to $100,000
Relationship:
Never Married
Never Married, Widow / Widower, Divorced
Have kids:
No
Yes, and they sometimes live at home, No, Yes, and they live away from home, Yes, and they live at home
Want kids:
Not sure
Someday, Not sure, Probably not, No
   
BACKGROUND/VALUES:
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Black / African descent, Pacific Islander, White / Caucasian, Other

The components for manufacturing a 9000 unit are all organically sourced, primarily from the Ireland and Germany region - though its true name is exclusively Irish in origin.

Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
Agnostic, Atheist, Christian / Catholic, Christian / Protestant, Spiritual but not religious, Other, Christian / Other

The 9000 series does not come with any particular religious software package installed; prospective owners should note that installing their own software package is unlikely to work - and also voids the manufacturer's warranty.

Languages:
English
English
Education:
Bachelors degree
High school, Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral

Any units in the 9000 series come pre-equipped with a degree in Political Science - only small elements of which have actually been used in practice.

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