I would like to caveat that unlike all the other superheros on this site I'm not perfect, nor God's gift to Match.com. I don't power walk 7 miles on my lunch break, help old ladies cross the street daily, volunteer at the animal shelter on weekends, give people hugs because they look like they need one, or call my mother every day.
Having said all that I would surmise that relatively good behavior, humility and hard work has yielded a job I love doing and a son I absolutely adore. I'm a Systems Engineer/Defense Contractor. I know, us types are so rare around here. Sometimes I go a whole 3 minutes without running into another one around the beltway.
As with most everyone I would love to find someone amazing on here but in the meantime, my secret wish is to become a match.com arbitrator, giving me carte blanche to randomly interject into anyone's profile, should they sway off course. Wouldn't that be awesome?
"Dude, you're 58; Stop emailing 26 year olds; Eventually you're going to email one of your daughter's friends and that will be awkward"
"Your profile headline reads "I the lonely girl, searching of kindly man" and I'm supposed to believe English is your primary language?'
"Really? You have 8 pictures of your cat and only one of you? You should probably teach your cats how to take pictures"
So far on here I've been contacted by someone in prison (Which is great for those that are in no hurry), someone with a crazy foot fetish (That story can only be told in person...and not during open toed season), someone who was bi-polar (no offense to anyone who is, but this girl asked me out and then turned me down like 8 times) as well as countless numbers of Russian women who for some reason fell in love after the second email.
I will say Match does a pretty good job at keeping us guys "In our lane" so to speak. Sometimes we think we can come on here, go buck wild and just order anything off the menu...Kind of like in the movie "L.A. Story" when Steve Martin asks if he can order the duck and he is told he cannot. I'm telling you, the two emails I get per day are really starting to overwhelm me. It's almost becoming a full time job just keeping up with it all.
The last girl I went out with on Match said to me, "Just so you know I don't sleep with anyone for the first six months." I'm like "Great, so I guess I'll give you a call in say...six months? Gee I can't wait to mark that day on my calender!
(Note: I can't believe how many have taken this at face value. This was my attempt at stand up...It didn't really happen)
I appreciate those of you who are trying to be artistic with your profiles but is it really necessary to show us a picture of a mountain? We're not trying to date a mountain we're trying to date you.
I think Match.com should require us all to choose one of the following categories to help us weed out the non-potentials:
1. Those looking for a serious relationship
2. Those waiting for the next better thing to come along
3. Those only looking to shop up
4. Those that are in no hurry what-so-ever
5. Those who are looking for friends with benefits
If the word "Princess" appears anywhere on your profile I'm probably not a match for you...Unless you are divulging that Princess Bride is one of your favorite movies.
I'm a 1...Thanks for reading