I'm going 100 Mph with my hair on fire and I live in a social Cuisinart. Imagine what hanging out with Karl Lagerfeld or in a modern day Fellini film would be like and you'll get the idea. This is the 17th place I've lived. I frighten homebodies and average Americans. Hop on the crazy train with me.
If mainstream bores you to death, you are filthy rich with a big trust fund and daddy doesn't love you and you are just not having fun anymore, or you know how to be cool around secret agents, I can help you out.
I understand that 93.25% of you are looking to spend the rest of your weekends staining your deck in the suburbs with Mr. Right. That's why I'm Mistrwrong.... I'm kind of like the bad uncle who shows up and teaches your kids how to play with matches, mix me a proper martini, and fight off bullies.
So here's my deal. I am just looking for cocktail, bite to eat, and dancing/band friends. If you don't do happy hour, well, you should. We can talk about your bad dates. I'm looking to assemble a band of super hero friends so if you have ninja skills that can project a karaoke voice, or invisibly move past a velvet rope, you're in!
You have to be interesting smart and drama free, well drama is okay as long as it's a good story and doesn't involve me or if you are indeed a thespian. I like conversations that involve cheap flights to Grand Caymans, how the weather will be nice for boating, why Hemingway joined the Foreign Legion, petting penguins in Antarctica, how the church finally absolved Galileo in 1992 or whats going on for Fashion Week. I develop chronic ennui when it comes to anything home improvement, work, Tivo, TV (unless you are trashing on Snookie), sports, Home Depot, or slashing you ex's tires (maybe keep that one in the bag). A litany of third world places you visited isn't good enough, I want to know if you ate the donkey leg from the street vendor in Cairo. Or how pygmies pried you from the tentacles of architeuthis architeuthidae on Mt. Kilimanjaro.
And if you say "I love to laugh" in your profile I will make fun of you. (and then we can laugh and love it.)
I'm not wimpily correct corporate man, neutered suburbanite, developmentally arrested fratboy, Mr. Protein shake or lobotomized extreme Mountain Dew boy. I shower but don't have more product in my hair than you do. I've occasionally been told that I'm an inspiration to others so I guess I'm doing something right. Oh yeah and I actually won on a TV dating show. I think I won by default as I was simply less of a complete tool than the other bachelors.
Being spontaneous is a plus, actually mandatory. Life is too short to spend a week and 20 phone calls to meet someone for drinks. And if you can't ditch a yoga class to have a drink with a cute boy, that may be why you are here.
Here is how it should go...
"My friend is in town spinning at Space and Scion is throwing him a party in a rented mansion out on Star Island"
"I've got tickets to Fashion Week for the evening wear runway show and after party at LIV " ...
"I'm going to NASA to go watch the rocket launch"
"Cool, I'm in. But I have to I have to work tomorrow. Oh, can you give me and my friend a ride?"
"Sure I'll pick you up at 9:00 and we'll grab a drink first"
Oh, and if you meet some cute little boy while we are out I won't mind. Like I said, I am just looking for happy hour, bite to eat, and dancing/band friends.
One more thing... no winks please. I already have enough Russian mail order brides.
At least send me a stupid joke or something.
Really lame humor is right down my alley. Jackalopes, Corinthian leather, Chicken in a Biscuit, llamas, Velveeta, are all things I find strangely amusing.
So these two hydrogen atoms are walking out of a bar and one says to the other "Hey, I gotta go back inside, I think I lost an electron." The other atom says "Are you sure" And the first one responds "Yeah, I'm positive"