1) My name is Brendon, and my mom says I'm a catch
2) I own an inconvenience store; it's 50 miles away and the only way to get there is by helicopter, and all the items are on the top shelf
3) I've been trying for years to undo the knot in my belly button
4) I need to take a pill for the rest of my life for these damn cooties
5) I only use Twizzlers as straws
6) Most men would kill for elbows like mine
7) I killed someone to get these elbows
8) I don't know how to have a good time; the closest I got was once when I had a so-so time
9) The only girl I ever kissed was Olga Wolfberg in 5th grade, and that was only because we were both accidentally chewing on the same strand of spaghetti
10) I missed all my birthday parties because my mom put me in timeout.
11) I don't like to try new foods: every day it's a bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast, and peanut butter and fluff on white Wonder Bread for lunch and dinner, with a side of Shark Bites fruit snacks for dessert
12) You'll rarely find me just sitting on my couch watching TV, but I often sit on my TV and watch my couch
13) I'm getting two seats installed on my bike so I can put my arm around you at the drive-in
14) I have an album on Facebook titled "Pics of me with no shirt on flexing in front of the mirror/at the beach"
15) My workout routine at the gym is as follows: I put on wife-beater, do benchpress, benchpress while grunting, inclined benchpress, banter with other guy who only does benchpress, glance at the mirror frequently to make sure I'm bigger than he is, declined benchpress, benchpress while grunting, talk to attractive girl on treadmill while pretending I'm not hitting on her just being nice, I pick her up and start benchpressing her, eat 100 gram protein bar.
1) I date ugly girls exclusively: Attractive girls NEED NOT APPLY
2) No sex, just strictly cuddling please
3) You are skillful enough to take off both my suspenders and your own clothes when we are making out.
4) If you're someone who likes to go out once in a while but stay in other nights, then I am not for you. I hate to do both of those things
(OK, OK Brendon, we get it... for those of you still reading.)
I'm obviously a goofball, if you couldn't have guessed by now. I played soccer at BC and Umass-Amherst for a year of grad school, and I appreciate all sports. I enjoy staying active, and I love learning/playing the guitar. I'm a nerd at heart, who loves to read, reflect, and engage in relevant and deep conversation. Above all, I value a balanced, healthy lifestyle where I am equally challenged physically and intellectually.
I'm ultimately hoping to meet someone whose laugh is irresistible, who can joke around with me all day, and I will patiently wait for that to happen. Someone who has a passion/hobby is important to me. I find that very attractive.