I couldn’t resist having some fun with the profile section. The fictitious profile of the “worst catch ever”,
Hello,
I put down 6’3”, but I’m really 5’2”. Don’t worry though, because I wear lifts in my shoes. You probably won’t even notice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor. Sometimes I’ll go for hours talking in nothing but movie quotes. Other times I will just start repeating what anyone around me is saying. It’s Hysterical! I crack myself up!
I truly believe in commitment. I’ve never actually had a girlfriend, but I’m sure that I would give constant and unyielding attention if given the chance. Really, I think couples should talk at least twice an hour. I won’t let a day go by that I don’t see you. I PROMISE!
I lost my telemarketing job to a guy in India. It’s been a blessing that has allowed me to become self employed though. I currently sell toast that resembles famous people on Ebay. I have a piece with a likeness of the Virgin Mary that’s going for $10,000,000,000.00. So as soon as that sells, I should be set.
I love all kinds of animals. I’ve had many different kinds of pets, but I got tired of them dying all the time. So now I have a pet rock. His name is Rocko. He’s pretty cool, but he takes a while to warm up to new people. When the weather is nice, we can take him on a walk. He’s got a leash and everything.
Though most people I know get terrified when I talk about having kids and passing my genes on for future generations, I think it’s really just normal joking around. I want a BIG family. Like at least 11 or 12 kids! I really don’t think 60 is too old to still be having children.
I have a fantastic roommate, my mom. We have a very close relationship, probably because I was breast fed until I was eight. I know what you’re thinking, but she lives with me, not the other way around. I know it sounds really bad, but I have the whole basement to myself, so really it’s like having my own place.
I have GREAT friends. I really think that once we talk again we are going to look back at the restraining orders and laugh.
I can’t wait to explore all the great place the world has to offer. My psychiatrist says I’m well on my way to overcoming my crippling fear of the baggage claim, so I should be booking my ticket anytime now! Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky and end up next to each other on a long overseas flight.
Last read: a summons and Silence of the Lambs. “It puts the lotion on its face!”
My favorite meal is Vienna sausages and cauliflower. I’m extremely lactose intolerant but refuse to quit eating dairy, so you will need to be willing to deal with my profuse gas after meals. I’m always up for trying new restaurants. I found the best McDonalds by the blood bank. The food is the same, and everything looks the same, but it’s just awesome! That might be a great little hole in the wall for a first date.
Just so you know up front, I really need to text or email someone for a few months before I feel comfortable going out on a date with them. There are a lot of crazies out there!”
Obviously, none of the above is true, but I thought I’d try and have some fun. Hopefully you took away a laugh or smile.
In all honesty, I’m a loving father, a devoted friend, and a fun loving individual. I prize all of the values normally associated with a good relationship and hold myself accountable to the same. You have seen the sarcastic side, but I have far more to offer. If you want to find out all the really good things, you’re going to have to say hi. If you’re not here to meet an honest, nice guy, then hopefully you got a break from the everyday monotony.
To those that find this disrespectful or beneath you, why are you still reading? Good luck with your match and remember the most cats that you can legally own in Denver is five.
