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BackToBeachHouse

Marriage really isn't for you and it really isn't for me. Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

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Active over 3 weeks ago

26 year old man
Surprise, Arizona, United States

Seeking:
women 25-35
Within:
50 Miles of Surprise, Arizona, United States
Relationship:
Never Married
Have kids:
Yes, they sometimes live at home (1)
Want kids:
Someday
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
Height:
6'1" (185cms)
Faith:
Christian / Protestant
Smoke:
No Way
Drink:
Social Drinker

 

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

Having been never been married, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met the girl I thought I was going to marry at a young age. We had ups and downs but at the time she was my best friend and the mother of my child. Good times will be had by all I thought.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer we approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was she the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with a close friend and mentor.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My friend giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Kevin, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future & current children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that she was not the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back I knew I wanted to make her happy but I also knew she only wanted to make herself happy.

My friend's advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Wal-Mart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, I showed her what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. She was callous. she was selfish.

But instead of matching her selfishness, I did something beyond wonderful—I showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish she had caused me, I lovingly took her in my arms and soothed her soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my friend’s advice. While my side of the relationship had been to love her, her side of the relationship had become all about her. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I had realized while I loved her and wanted to make her happy. She did not want to give that in return.

To all who are reading this—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

I am looking for someone who I can love and they can give that same love back. If you think you can provide that I'd love to hear from you. Let's talk.

Interests:
Business networking, Cooking, Dining out, Movies/Videos, Music and concerts, Playing cards, Travel/Sightseeing, Volunteering
Sports & exercise:
Football, Swimming, Weights / Machines
Exercise habits:
I exercise 1-2 times per week
Pets:
Political views:
Middle of the Road
Sign:
Sagittarius
College:
I'll tell you later
For fun:

I love to play poker however I love to getaway and go travel. Weekend Trips to San Diego, Sedona or even the occasional vegas run is always nice.

Favorite hot spots:

Talking Stick, Wild Horse Pass, McFaddens, YardHouse

Favorite things:

Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad, Chicago Fire

Last read:

I am not a big reader of books but I think the last book I was read was the Hunger Games

ABOUT... HIM HIS DATE
APPEARANCE:
Height:
6'1" (185cms)
4'0" (121cms) to 5'10" (177cms)
Body type:
About average
Slender, About average
Eyes:
Hazel
Black, Blue, Brown, Grey, Green, Hazel
Hair:
Light brown
Auburn / Red, Black, Light brown, Dark brown, Blonde, Dark blonde, Grey
   
LIFESTYLE:
Smoke:
No Way
No Way
Drink:
Social Drinker
Never, Social Drinker, Regularly, Moderately
Occupation:
Self-Employed / Entrepreneur
No preference
Income:
$100,001 to $150,000
Less Than $25,000, $25,001 to $35,000, $35,001 to $50,000, $50,001 to $75,000, $75,001 to $100,000, $100,001 to $150,000, $150,001+
Relationship:
Never Married
Never Married, Widow / Widower, Currently Separated, Divorced
Have kids:
Yes, they sometimes live at home (1)
Yes, and they sometimes live at home, No, Yes, and they live away from home, Yes, and they live at home
Want kids:
Someday
Definitely, Someday, No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
   
BACKGROUND/VALUES:
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Latino / Hispanic, White / Caucasian
Faith:
Christian / Protestant
Buddhist / Taoist, Christian / Catholic, Christian / LDS, Christian / Protestant, Jewish, Spiritual but not religious, Other, Christian / Other
Languages:
English
English
Education:
Graduate degree
No preference

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