I'm cute and I'm quirky and I wish I were French. There. That do? Good enough for now? No? Okay. Really. How to describe myself without feeling like I'm my own pimp? I'm your basic girl: I have straw hats, exboyfriends, unanswered phone calls, dust bunnies under the bed. I'm no model but I can be gorgeous with subdued backlighting. I love working out, so a guy who enjoys that would be great. "Death take me now and spare me the pain," a friend of mine said. It was difficult for me to get that excited. "Get a grip," I said. "It's only a treadmill..." I can't buy gummy vitamins because I have no self-discipline and I'll eat half the bottle. I eat healthy most of the time, only to eat like a total fat kid every once in a while. I've always considered myself taller than I am, but that belief is fraught with difficulties. I'm intelligent, at least overeducated. I was once kissed on the lips by a trained sea lion - very fishy, not recommended - but it did put all subsequent poor kissers in perspective. I survived Episcopal boarding school. Lived through the Great Depression, (my mother's). As a fourteen year-old I hitchiked across NY with a truck driver with a glass eye, who would only listen to "Cheeseburger in Paradise" (Traumatic experience - put me off Jimmy Buffet for life.) Worked as a stand-up comedian - think Chelsea Handler meets Kathy Griffin. Like movies. Intelligent conversation. I've never been hillbilly hand-fishing and I'm strangely okay with that. I crave Chick-fil-A on Sundays. A chocolate covered strawberry and playing with my hair will end almost any argument with me. I dance like a five-year old trying to step on the head of her own shadow; have thus embarrassed men in four continents and a number of the smaller islands. Please hurry. You could be saving some poor guy from humiliation this very moment...
Cereal Dater tires of Fruit Loops! Seriously, get me out of here. My profile has been viewed 30,520 times, no lie - surely one of you is my lobster - if not, can we all just populate an island and make me queen?! I might do my best work in a tiara... I started and own my own business and have loved my career so much that I looked up one day to find I'd neglected to build the rest of my life - whoops. Would now like to explore a non-Unabomber existence with a physically fit and minimally crazy man. Looking for a guy with the creativity and brilliance of Malcolm Forbes (but doesn't have to be rich), the warmth and sensitivity of Kermit the Frog (but preferably more hair), who can make me laugh, and is willing to lie about how we met... I think the foundation of any lasting relationship is friendship, compatibility, mutual respect and passion. I respect men who strike out swingin' not lookin'. Someone who can make me laugh with a dry, witty, self-deprecating sense of humor would be great - not looking for the guy that makes me laugh by wearing a banana hammock to the beach. (Speedos? Really? "But I look good in them" you say. No. No you don't. Your friends won't tell you because they don't want to hurt you, but I'll be real with you, because I care like that.) Communication is important, so a well-spoken, intelligent conversationalist would be wonderful. Someone sweet. Romantic. Affectionate. Great in bed (I'm just sayin'...) Similar interests. Loves the outdoors and animals, especially mine. (I have dogs, big ones. Don't like dogs? Allergic? Prolly not gonna work out...)The guy I want loves travel and the ocean. Shares my belief that Harry Potter is the Supreme Ruler of the Universe. Has a silly streak wide enough to land a 747 on, is playful and can flirt like a fool... preferably just with me ;) Basically, a sweet, intelligent, passionate, amusing guy who shares my values, can't keep his hands off me and doesn't mind a little dog hair in his food...
And now you're thinking, "Is that all?" ;) Yup. That'll do for now..
