So here's the deal.. Just moved back to Reno, after 8 glorious years of graduate schooling in Nebraska and Dallas, TX. In the process I learned that most women of the midwest and south are using their personalities as birth control. 3 relationships later (that died of natural causes), I'm back out West (=best) where I belong, and my sense of humor better understood. However, in my 3 months since returning,, I've discovered that although I find the women much more agreeable,, they are in shorter supply. And since a lot of my old friends have died of lameness,, social outlets are suboptimal-- for my speed.
For your viewing pleasure, here's some excerpts from my Dallas profile- I didn't have the heart to delete it. Just too fantastically retarded.
First off, I loathe sarcasm and have absolutely no sense of humor. I take myself REALLY cereal just like most everyone else my age in Dallas. I'm balding in multiple areas, have a weird rash in an undisclosed location, and I'm morbidly obese (BMI = 42)-- thus the confusion some clown accused me of steroid abuse last weekend at the bar. I usually smell like cabbage or boiled baloney, depending on my mood and the humidity level.
I pretty much have nothing to offer the opposite sex- especially in Dallas. This despite the fact that I am exactly like every other Uptown nancy-- I wear a cute pink polo shirt every Thursday, I part my fluffy 80s haircut like everyone else, listen to Coldplay and never leave the house without my khaki shorts and boat shoes-- even though I don't technically own a boat (daddy has four) and there's no water around here. I also go to church every Sunday (or at least say I do), but yet I still bail on everybody, and lie continually about how awesome I am. Oh yea-- I'm totally Texan!!
My ideal date? We put a bunch of mangos and exotic grapefruits in a tubesock and you beat me with it til' you juice them. Then you do body shots of that juice off my belly while I go thirsty.. grumble, grumble.
Looking for the sensitive type? Not me-- Just got evicted from my stupid anger management class for random scissor-kicks. You want a guy that is humorous and smart, motivated and values integrity?? Nope. Not here- not now, not nevah.
I have the IQ of a bag of hammers-- Who would move from Nevada to go to medical school in Nebraska and then wind up here? Some other teabag, that's who. And who's chair is this?? 'Not my chair, not my problem!!' --that's what I say. Stupid flowers.
I'm pretty much a fun-Nazi, and I have no friends. I bake frownies and drink haterade all day. I don't parade around my party(short)bus on weekends, I didn't go to extreme measures to install a jukebox in my home, and I certainly don't wail on the guitar. I was never in a rock band. Lastly, what kind of guy buys a 1981 Delorean as a birthday present for himself-- with the intent to go 88, go back to 88,, and then bet on the 49ers? Def not me.
That being said I'm looking for a beautiful woman that is smart and funny and motivated and sensitive and can make me laugh, LOL, omg haha, jk : ) : ) : ) xoxo!!!!