Since it's opposite day...
I’m a jerk. Just kidding, but not really. I won’t open doors for you, actually be careful as I will likely trip you, pretend to catch you, but miss as you go through the door. Why? For laughs and giggles of course! I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere. I'm worse than a shark on shark week.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom, and yes they stink. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. I won't just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry and look forward to it... Like you look forward to water in the desert.
Also I suck at romance, I expect action on the first date, and I won’t sleep over (of course it's at your place...I don't want stalkers).
Dating websites say that I should also talk about these things so I attract lots of women and don’t waste my time on here.
Talk about your hobbies. – kicking puppies. BAAAAXTER
Talk about your goals/aspirations – finding a rich woman to take care of me, preferably an attractive one.
Talk about yourself and what makes you unique – I’m not unique in the least bit, unique people are boring
Your taste in music – Music tastes awful...I can't be the only one who has noticed how bad cd's taste.