I was thinking of what to say here when it occurred to me that I recently wrote an email to a buddy who was feeling down about growing older and questioning whether he was having any impact on the world. I think my response to him is the best summary of who I am and what I believe.
“Seriously, but I think you should take a step back. Looking at the big picture, by which I think you mean being a small spec in a giant universe and whether your existence matters at all in that scenario is the wrong way to think about things in my opinion. I think two important things change that thought process, one is that you should consider that, in the absence of being religious, and frankly in the words of none other than the Dalai Lama, your primary purpose in life is to maximize your happiness. Secondly, while acknowledging that you are just a very small piece in an enormous puzzle, you do your part and contribute to the overall health of the universe by being a force for good and doing right by others, nature and the world around you. This is important and it gives you a goal-a daily goal, by which to think about what you can do in the giant grand scheme of things.
And dont forget love-love is the greatest thing. Love is the universe's gift to you and in loving others and yourself you give back to the universe and life. Love is the most important "thing" in the universe. Never loose sight of that. And you have love in your life with Cari, so cherish that.
You cant change your relative size to the universe, but you can change your view of your role in it. I also suggest looking at life in reverse-what do you want to have said at your funeral? What will be your epitaph? Your legacy? Then work backwards from there to guide your life today so that you are worthy of what you hope is said of you or what you achieved. For me, I want to make sure that I suck all the marrow out of life and come skidding into home plate exhausted by utterly delighted. And lastly, don’t let your security now in your job rob you of your opportunity to get the most out of your time here on the planet-go and do what you dream of.”
So what am I looking for? A woman who is living their life out loud, who is passionate about at least one thing (I think being passionate enables you to feel life more deeply), who doesn’t let other peoples perceptions of them shape their actions and who has the courage of their convictions. Lastly, a woman who wants to, as Robert Browning once said “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be!”
As I write this Im reminded of a very sage statement made by none other than my brother many moons ago-"Its not about how they make you feel, its about how you make them feel about themselves that is important". That is really the crux of a successful relationship.