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aicpjim

The way men act on these sites, do you ever feel like you're the Jackass Whisperer? ;-)

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49 year old man
North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, United States

Seeking:
women 41-53
Within:
60 Miles of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, United States
Relationship:
Divorced
Have kids:
Yes, they live away from home (3)
Want kids:
No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
Athletic and toned
Height:
5'11" (180cms)
Faith:
Agnostic
Smoke:
No Way
Drink:
Social Drinker

 

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

Find yourself having to explain to men why it's just a LITTLE creepy to receive marriage proposals before you even meet? Ugh! I guess you could always respond with "Oh, your FACE is just fine, but I'm gonna need you to put a bag over that personality!" lol...

I talk about having a girlfriend, but I'm not even sure I'd know what to do if I had one... Pat it on the head and sit it in the corner? How often does it eat? ;-)

Sometimes I think the old-fashioned way of meeting people was better - through booze, poor judgment, and corny pickup lines like "Excuse me, but does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" (don't worry - you can still get great cell reception from the trunk of my car).

HEY, WAIT! Where are you going?

I want my mate to spoil me, not with material "things" but - with consistency! That means answering messages and having the maturity to talk through misunderstandings, because clamming up and going dark is SUCH a fabulous relationship skill (said no one...ever...)

ME:

Polysyllabic word monger with a steel trap mind and unshakeable concentr--- oh look, a puppy!
Being a paranoid-dyslexic, I STRONGLY suspect people are secretly plotting to make me happy... sneaky buggers!

I also recently learned that I'm a Bipolar, co-dependent, narcissistic, slightly misogynistic, sociopathic cretin with push-pull behavioral tendencies, a persecution complex, and an obsessive-compulsive need to be the alpha-male in a relationship. Boy, that will be the LAST time I ever wander down the self-help aisle at Barnes and Noble! ;-)

I've never had to wear an orange jump suit, but make no mistake - I have a little bad boy in me... This one time? I totally ripped the tag off a mattress, after giving it a disapproving glare. I don't water my houseplants... if they die, that's a sign of weakness, and I don't tolerate weakness, or non-alcoholic beer, or jazz hands.... or mimes...shiver! Sometimes I even wash darks and whites together... in warm water! Uh huh, that's just how I roll, playah! Haters gonna hate...

Sometimes I wonder why, when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer, it's called "art," but when *I* do it, I'm "wasted" and have to leave Home Depot!

I never thought I could run a marathon, and then one day I walked face-first into a spider web!

As much as I enjoy texting, autocorrect is NOT my friend. I'm always typing some thong I didn't Nintendo!

I have 3 little girls, named Custody, Visitation, and Alimony (ok, not really) who live with their mom nearby, so I'm not relocating. They're amazing, even if a bit possessive of their toys. I have to smuggle broken crayons out of my house like a Mexican drug lord.

Isn't this about finding someone who would MUCH rather ruin your lipstick than your mascara? If we connect, you won't be IN my top ten list... you'll BE the list.

YOU:

No pics = no contact, no exceptions... I don't respond to faceless people.

Many of you seem to be modern day Ruth's, looking for your Boaz. Let's hope you don't settle for Drunk'az, Po'az, or Beatinyo'az!

My hope is that you will be:

* Height-weight proportional. But please, no obsessed gym freaks.

* Playful....flirty... fun, and affectionate... Go ahead, brat - give me a reason to flip ya' over my knee! ;-)

* Willing to exchange flirty texts 'just because.' I'm looking for enthusiasm and effort. If I don't feel that from you, I'll lose interest in about half a second.

Hopefully you have a good memory, 'cuz mine is crap... I was given the choice between having a good memory, and being amazing in bed... so I, umm... wait - what were we talking about?

I hope this profile has been a pleasant surprise. But if you prefer the other kind you may find, try this on for size:

"Yo babe! Hit me up if you dig my Harley, the dead animal I just shot, or my MAD shirtless baf'room photo-takin' skillz!"

Eww, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth after typing that!

Interests:
Camping, Coffee and conversation, Dining out, Fishing/Hunting, Gardening/Landscaping, Hobbies and crafts, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Exploring new areas, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing, Wine tasting
Sports & exercise:
Golf, Tennis / Racquet sports, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines, VolleyBall
Exercise habits:
I exercise 3-4 times per week
Pets:
I have Cats
Pet Essay:

Dogs have owners, cat's have staff. I am staff to 1 cat, a girl... Know what I've always wondered, though? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Political views:
Middle of the Road
Sign:
Libra
College:
West Virginia University, Morgantown, WV
For fun:

Brought to you by the "Department of Redundancy Department?"... Kayaking, shag dancing, working out, dining on the shattered dreams of homeless people...yummy! (not really - just seeing if you were paying attention). I almost never watch sports.

Favorite hot spots:

Blowing Rock, NC.. Charleston, SC... I want to try the Greek Islands some day... Anywhere high up... I'm not afraid of heights... I am, however, terrified of WIDTHS.

Favorite things:

Making the best buttermilk pancakes on the planet. No, seriously, they're THAT good...
Public speaking is a favorite too. And I don't even need to imagine my audience in their underwear... Sometimes I do anyway, just cuz it's funny

Last read:

I love Pat Conroy's novels and pancake recipes... I REFUSE to read instruction manuals... Hey - it's a guy thing... what can I do? Totally out of my hands... *shrugs shoulders* And I think that Cliff Snotes guy writes some compelling short fiction!

ABOUT... HIM HIS DATE
APPEARANCE:
Height:
5'11" (180cms)
5'0" (152cms) to 6'2" (187cms)
Body type:
Athletic and toned
Slender, About average, Athletic and toned
Eyes:
Blue
No preference
Hair:
Light brown
No preference
   
LIFESTYLE:
Smoke:
No Way
No Way, Occasionally
Drink:
Social Drinker
Social Drinker, Moderately
Occupation:
Executive / Management
No preference

I oversee a dept. of 17 professionals who all think I practice seagull management, where I fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly away again. So I replaced their Starbucks with Wal Mart brand coffee. Hmmmph!!!

Income:
$100,001 to $150,000
No preference
Relationship:
Divorced
No preference
Have kids:
Yes, they live away from home (3)
No answer
Want kids:
No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
No preference
   
BACKGROUND/VALUES:
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Asian, Latino / Hispanic, Native American, White / Caucasian

British mother, American father. This makes me a bit of an Anglophile. Also, I have 11 brothers: Steve, Rick, Dan, Doug, Phil, Eugene, Craig, Jody, Johnny, Brian, and Ho Cha Chu... One of them is Chinese. I'm pretty sure it's Phil...

Faith:
Agnostic
Agnostic, Atheist, Christian / Catholic, Christian / Protestant, Jewish, Spiritual but not religious

My VMAT2 gene is pretty much nonexistent... I live my life with ethics, values and integrity NOT because I fear eternal damnation, but because I've always believed it would be cool if there was a *little* less douchebaggery in the world!

Languages:
English
English
Education:
Graduate degree
No preference

I completed all the coursework for a Ph.D., but 'life' interrupted the writing of my dissertation. I suppose that means I can claim "Ph.D., ABD." I do have a bachelor's and master's degree. I have been an adjunct professor at a major university.

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