I guess this is the part where I woo you into believing I'm truly a dynamic figure, intense multi-tasker and extreme in everything I do. Well then OK, here it goes... I'm a master at full contact origami, I translate ethnic slurs, write award winning operas and remodel train stations making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I'm a high altitude wood chopping champion and an under water card shuffling shark. I'm an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. I once single handedly defended a small village from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I'm the subject of numerous documentaries and enjoy urban hangliding. On Wednesdays I repair small appliances free of charge. I'm an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics world wide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I'm a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I dodge, I weave, I frolic and my bills are all paid. I'm the ying to the yang, the teeter to the totter and the hokey to the pokey. I pose for trophies, perform covert operations for the CIA and know the exact location of every item in Home Depot. I can simultaneously speed read, dream while in motion and sleep while driving. I've won bull fights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Death Valley and spelling bees at the Kremlin. Children trust me because I mesmerize them with my sensuous and God-like kazoo playing. Yesterday I read War Peace, played Hamlet, performed open heart surgery spoke with Elvis and still had time to build that addition. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles and I'm a chef by trade at the Etheopian Cafe; my specialty is a Chicklet with a side of dust.
If you're still with me, I’m originally from the Mid-West (Cincinnati, OH); I have 5 sisters, 2 brothers, 15 awesome nieces and nephews, 3 great nieces and 1 great bun in the oven. My parents have been happily married for 56 years and have been terrific role models. Christmas is basically a zoo, but even over the miles we all remain a very close clan of perfectly imperfect misfits.
I don't smoke, do drugs, gamble, have a prison record, drive an old Nova with a pink door or really even drink for that matter. I’ve never been married and don't have any kids, but look forward to both. My intensions are always honorable and keeping my plants alive remains my ultimate life's quest. I've obtained 2 degrees from the University of Cincinnati, 2 licenses in Investment Banking, I'm a Top Producing Realtor, an Award Winning Actor and own multiple properties. Basically, I'm a frickin' genius... If you don’t include all of my embarrassing moments.
I believe the two most important things in any relationship are Trust and Communication; and the more you give of one, the more you'll get of the other. Please be emotionally available and looking forward to sharing the next phase of your life with a one woman man. I'm not interested in games or serial daters. Just simply looking for my best friend who's patient, kind, loyal, witty and capable of having an open and honest dialogue. If this is you, we'll figure out the rest as we go and confidently take on whatever life throws our way.
Brownie points if you can sarcastically spar with the best of them, beat me in Backgammon (Yes, I am challenging you.) have a thirst for adventure, a love of the arts and can make me laugh -with you, at you, at my own expense or all of the above. Oh, and if you have a green thumb - my plants will be eternally grateful, some how I manage to kill everything! Am I asking for too much?
Well, if you’re interested at all in exploring the possibilities then drop me a note, send up a flare, make smoke signals, flag me down, hit me up or messenger me by carrier pigeon.