Gee, what can I write about myself that makes me seem clever, witty, interesting, but not arrogant? I don't know, but I'll give it a shot.
I'm kind of a big deal! The people that are fortunate enough to know me say I have a great sense of humor. I'm a poster child for politically incorrectness. I somehow manage to include sarcastic comments into everyday conversation that sometimes offend people. Could you handle that? If not, keep clicking. If so, read on...
I have a couple of phobias about small spaces, heights, and people with missing teeth. I love to watch TV and movies on DVD. I don't do laundry, I pay someone else to do it. I do cook because I love to eat and can cook a mean Hamburger Helper. I leave dishes in the sink until I run out of clean ones. I love dogs. I usually leave the toilet seat up, but at least I flush (most of the time). I am not really a church-goer, but I am a member of a few charitable organizations. I'm mechanically inclined and take great pleasure in fixing things around the house. Some call it being handy, I guess.
I'm not big on family, we were a dysfunctional bunch. I'm not proud of that or anything, just thought you should know for future reference. Some people are close to their families and I understand that, I can't help it that half of my family are really out there off the reservation.
I like playing games on the internet and sometimes will visit one of those sites that makes some people blush.
Occasionally I will drink alcohol and have even been known to sing karaoke like Elvis on crack. I love to play pool, darts, and foosball. I enjoy going out to places that involve some sort of entertainment. I don't do the club scene very often only because I'm tired of all the college girls just wanting me for my body and all night sex sessions. OK, really its because I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld, so I choose to stay off the dance floor. I feel much more relaxed in a bar where I can spill my drink and nobody thinks there is a problem. I'm often overly critical of fat people, rednecks, and fashion victims...but at least I admit it, right??
I have lived at the beach and appreciate the calming effects of the water, but I rarely visited the oceanfront. I do not enjoy lugging the chairs and towels around, fighting the waves, swallowing salt water, or getting sand in my buttcheeks. Give me a nice cement pond and a cooler of my favorite malt beverage any day of the week!
I prefer brunettes over blondes, and real boobs over fake ones. Somehow I'm drawn to women with questionable mental stability (go figure) and I'd like to meet someone who isn't on any prescription meds for ADD, mood swings, chemical imbalances, or any other emotional issues. If she could cook at least as good as I do, then we'd be in business. I'd love a woman that could bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan as well! LOL! Intelligence is also very important to me. I have a very high IQ, and it would be nice if she could keep up in a conversation.
I also once discovered the meaning of life, but I forgot to write it down. If I interest you, check out my pictures, the "Captain" knows how to find me! :-)