My friends say they don't like me, that I should stop stealing their girlfriends and their cars. Not sure why they say that though.
I am a very sad person. I don't laugh much unfortunately. Especially since the time I bit my tongue and had it removed which means, you know, I can't lick an ice-cream. And that makes me even more sad.
But don't get me wrong I am not desperate. Yet.
Thanks for posting doggy pics. I am looking forward to dating a dog so it really makes my day.
On the other hand I love dogs. Some say they are especially good with herbs and olive oil. But that I never tried. Really!
Please don't wink as it scares me. Something about some one who used to wink at me in the past and that really traumatized me. Could be why I am so sad but nobody has been able to figure it out just yet.
I have no addiction. Except maybe watching TV on my couch feeding on junk food. The problem is to have the couch cleaned off the leftovers.
No disease either, except maybe this frown I cannot take off my face. You're safe it is not transmissible. Well. I don't think so anyway.
I also believe there is a problem with the system. My type of women usually is slender and/or athletic and yet match sends me all those pics with written underneath "click to enlarge"!!! I don't understand. I don't want to enlarge! This whole thing gives me a headache.
Since the question came up I thought I would add that I am successful. I mean successful enough to make both ends meet. But I would not mind a little contribution if you feel like it especially if you wan to travel outside of the valley. Like to SF. Carpooling is way way underrated.
So whom am I looking for? Possibly someone who shares the same values as mine - the exact same values of course, sorry but if we disagree on one point then we are no match - someone dishonest, a liar preferably yet someone that I can easily fool, gullible. Someone that will perform all the duties expected in a marriage or a relationship, physical duties such as house keeping, cooking, laundry, landscaping, massaging. It would be nice to have someone who will quietly retire to the kitchen getting my meal ready while I watch one of my preferred movies, possibly with friends, I mean other people since i have no friends - I am not very social you know.
I am extremely good looking, much younger than my age and therefore I would not mind hanging with you if you are in your twenties - I mean watching TV, possibly some afternoon comedy if I don't fall asleep. Or if you are a sexy cougar too. I thought about lying about my age but I can't find how to change my birthdate. Anyone?
Also "an everyday moment can turn romantic" they say in the commercial but not with me. So you can feel safe that you will enjoy your cereals in the morning without disruption. I know. I hate it when it happens. After all breakfast is the most important meal of the day. On the other hand I am fast. No drama, no hype. To the point. Bam! Done.
Also I am going through a mid-life crisis: I am saving to buy this one very, very loud convertible. You will have the opportunity to wash it in a bikini and heels (wink-wink). I will even take you for a ride up and down the street at Santana Row for our special evening on the town. I expect you pay for gas - hey women worked so hard for equality and I respect that.
I don't think this whole thing is funny at all, really not funny. I mean trying to find a soulmate [I once read a "soul mat" - which is probably even harder to find] really is not something funny. So I don't understand these comments below. Do you?
"You are either extremely funny or you possibly crazy. Maybe both? If it's the former an not the latter, I wouldn't mind hearing from you. "
"Hi , I'm still laughing
What a profile! Very clever
Would you like to meet? "
Also I like to French kiss on a first date since it helps figure if there is chemistry, or not. Even though the chemistry I practiced in school often smelled. Go figure.
