Facts about me...
1. I am a human. But the United States says I am an alien and some will argue I am a jackass. Which, I have been told, is a four-legged mammal also named a donkey.
2. I breathe air. On occasion, I have been known to breathe really stinky oniony garlicy air but that is because of kim-chi (kim-chi is a regional dish made of spicy cabbage and dog)... Which brings me to number 3.
3. I am Korean. The slanty eyes and ability to do tae-kwon-do from birth are a dead giveaway. I drive so slowly because I have to tilt my head to the side to see tall buildings...
4. I eat food. I like food so much... people rub my belly for good luck.
5. I wear lots of ties... but not all at the same time, just one at a time. But on special occasions like this... I wear two.
6. I am on facebook way too much but so you are... I need constant validation from strangers and it’s the best place to pick up minors.
7. My name is Peter... Yes, as in Peter Pan, Peter Rabbit, Peter Pumpkin Eater, Peter, Paul and Mary.
8. I wear clothes... this saves you and me from a lot of embarrassment.
9. I have a beauty mark aka a mole on my face. I am the Asian Cindy Crawford with bigger boobs.
10. I sleep. I can pretty much sleep through anything.
11. I am an Uncle. Uncle Pete... My niece is the cutest, smartest and sweetest Korean baby ever! She is going to be a heartbreaker.
12. I listen to music. I listen to music from dead white guys and music made by computers. I would really love zombie robot music.
13. I dance... very, very, very rarely. Occasionally, the rhythm gets me... I guess Gloria Estafon was right, the rhythm will get you. I used to break dance, so I refuse to grind or do “the creepy dance behind a girl when she isn’t looking” dance.
14. I walk… I refuse to run and will only run when being chased by a person with a weapon. The pace in which I run, is dependent on the fatality of the weapon. For example: knife = light jog, gun = run, rocket launcher = sprint.
15. I am smart. Or would like to think so... Thank god I am because I still look young. I got nothing but time.
