It seems too many men and women dating online are slipping into the phenomenon of "shopping" for what they ideally would want (or what society tells us we should ideally want, even though it's often not actually true) vs focusing on connecting with a wider range of potentials they could be happy with if they just met and could take in the whole person.
People also get trapped in the pattern of contacting people they find attractive or fit certain criteria, but unless the other person also finds you attractive and fit his/her criteria, then there's no chance at all.. Example: Women, who are 100%-only white, very attractive, slim, under 35, no kids but wants and is biologically self-capable of kids (1-2) and has a bachelor's degree or higher. For thousands, actually millions of men, there are guaranteed thousands and millions of women who do NOT fit that unbelievably-narrow search criteria, but if they actually MET them, meaning women OUTSIDE the narrow criteria, then they'd probably be very interested in them, along with finding love, happiness, marriage, the physical, the mental and emotional--all of it! The problem is: They're cutting themselves out, as well as cutting the women out who could honestly love them just by pushing STUPID buttons! WOMEN DO IT, TOO!!! And it's all due to the de-humanizing "search criteria". Worse: there's no way to communicate, describe or learn about character, personality and all the really important things about anybody--in an online profile!
I often wonder why more women don't initiate messaging men? What do they do? Wind up ONLY dating among the guys that contact them first? Or the guys that contact them persistently? OK, then how are you supposed to meet the guys YOU like (are interested in) vs only the guys that like (are interested in) you? I'm saying this not just for me, but for a lot of men I know. Stop being inhibited about contacting guys, or at least don't be O-N-L-I-N-E ! Same as any other situation, you can always ignore a guy you emailed or gave your number to later if it doesn't work out, right? Let's use me as an example: I'm available. I've got a job. I went to UCLA. I can talk about anything. I'm caring, sincere, loyal and am genuinely ready for a real relationship, including marriage. I'm totally baffled by this issue. Think of it this way: When you email, text or call a guy, it INSTANTLY puts you in front of all other women he might be interested in -or- trying to get his interest. Repeat: Instant front of the line pass!!! And for everyone who was blessed with what our culture calls "good looks" and/or (egoicly) says, "I don't contact or call guys..." Hmm... and you wonder why you don't meet enough great guys? It's because: 1) You're constantly DISTRACTED by men pursuing you, many of whom secretly just see you as objectified beauty for another "conquest", yet o' how they pour on the charm and empty promises to get you to date and sleep with them, then show their real not-so-good-at-all colors later and/or 2) You think that with so many guys pursuing you, that surely one of them will be a good candidate. Q: Did anyone here take critical thinking? A: It's not true. It's a total non-sequitur, i.e., that reasoning does not follow (INTERNALLY, you know this).
ABOUT ME: I am emotionally available. I STRONGLY BELIEVE 5 to 10 min in person is infinitely better than 5 to 10 hrs of emails or any number of telephone conversations. Remember: OVER 80% of human communication is done non-verbally. We all know people who are brilliant writers and great on the phone, so the focus should be an email, a phone call or two and setting up a day and time to MEET. No matter what, any first meeting is always going to feel like a blind date. I work 9am to 4pm M - S, and can also take half-day offs any time. So, I do have time to meet and dating is a PRIORITY to me. If it's also a PRIORITY for you--let me know in whatever way you can. A short note for starters usually works best. Thanks!
