I moved to Hollywood, the city of dreams, chasing my dream to work in that crazy business they call show as a comedian and a comedy writer. I was perhaps subconsciously influenced by that scene at the end of the Muppet Movie where Orson Welles as a studio exec draws up "the standard rich and famous contract for Kermit the Frog and company". (Who knew that only happens in puppet-related situations?)
I took a day job which, to steal a joke from the Onion, became my real job.
I like to think of myself as intelligent and compassionate but am modest enough to be ashamed of calling myself these things.
I did get a philanthropy award. What's the point of getting one if you can't brag about it on Match.com?
I am a class act all the way; when I pick my teeth with a fork or eat my peas with a knife, I keep my pinkie extended.
I seek someone I can talk to and goof on others with. Someone who will laugh at some of my jokes (I say 'some' b/c they're not all funny). Someone who will laugh when I do double-takes when she teases me (or when I pretend to be offended and pretend to storm off). Someone who will tolerate some of my faults (You can probably nag me out of a good 63% of them). Someone who will like or tolerate when I use old-timey phrases like "moving picture shows".