Have you been bummed out trying to find a guy with substance who can not only make you laugh, but respects who you are and is genuine, honest, dedicated, and attentive to what you need?
If so, I believe I've got you just what you're looking for. Checkout some of the fine qualities I have offer..
* A Real Man. Battle tested by the Army, doesn't fear jumping out of planes, can trek dozens of miles on little food and no rest and lifts mountains with a single...ok, maybe not THAT manly. However, I'm well trained to stay cool and confident under pressure.
* Excitement! Hit the latest concerts, movies, eat at great restaurants, go dancing, see hilarious comedy shows, snorkel, hike/camp/rock/tree climb, travel abroad and make your friends green with envy when they see pictures of us in exotic locales holding adorable tree monkeys or running for our lives from angry honey badgers.
* Low center of gravity. Ideal for taking larger aggressors out at the knees and helping you reach those things on the lower cabinets. If you happen to be taller than me, no worries at all! I've had serious relationships with women that were 6 ft. We are a lot more compatible than you might think.
* A Gentleman. Be treated like you deserve to be. Have doors opened for you, seats pulled out, calls/texts returned, birthdays remembered, jackets offered over on a cold night out, toilet seats put down, and respect served fresh daily. Did I mention remembering your birthday?
* A job, and a good one! I'm an Engineer. You can trust me to fix your stuff. Most of it, at least. I work hard and play hard, too.
* Loyalty. I mean it. It'll make your dog jealous and feel like he or she needs to step up their game.
* Honesty. It is the best policy, and the only one that doesn't require an insurance adjuster. I say what I feel and won't give you the runaround. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and really am an open book.
* Brains. Perfect in the event you should become a zombie or require quick wit to evade and destroy them. Also useful for more common things, like making good life and financial, remembering your parents anniversary or that we were going to have lunch with your sister on any given weekend.
* Humor! You're going to laugh. Seriously. A lot.
* 100% less jealousy than the leading men. Able to co-exist with your other guy friends in peace and harmony. I am confident and secure in my ability to be awesome and keep you interested. I'll work hard for it, too.
* A great listener who doesn't offer unsolicited advice. I'm empathetic, understanding, and caring.
* Loves animals. Your cat or dog and I will be trading bro-fists in no time. Guaranteed.
* A partner to dominate board games, scale mountains, cook up a delicious meal with and wash the dishes with unbelievable efficiency. I am also a master of giving Swedish massages by candlelight while listening to your favorite music, unless it's Justin Bieber.
You'll also get the following at no charge
24/7 technical support. You'll never have to call Bangalore, India again to fix your PC, TV, or cell phone.
- Passion and Romance! Do you enjoy surprise flowers, candle lit dinners, and thoughtful tokens of affection? I love doing those!
- Zero addictions to mind altering substances.
- Independence. Go on a girls night out in peace without a barrage of calls or needy texts. I'm perfectly content at home for the night and trust your judgement. Financially, I take care of myself just fine.
- Cuddles. Lots of cuddling. Metric tons, even.
Disclaimer: Divas, self-entitled materialists, cynics, and drama queens need not apply. Must have a big heart, be honest, positive, open, kind, loving, fun, and unafraid to be totally awesome. Animal lovers preferred. Not available outside the extended San Diego area except on a case-by-case basis.
