Due to popular request, here is my guide to "What Your Profile Pictures Say About You".
If your fotos all show you reflected off glass, metal, and water, through a fisheye lens, with digital sepia tone colorized light trails: I have a huge crush on your photography skills, but if I wanted to date Instagram I would get my iPhone drunk and see if it puts out (there's an app for that).
If all your fotos are comprised of you scantily clad and holding a Pokemon doll and/or dressed as a Pokemon: I'm spraying my eyeballs with Windex to erase that visual. (But call me!) That's a real profile.
If your fotos are all the Myspace shot, with you pointing a flip phone at yourself in a dingy bedroom: thanks, if I wanted to date a myspace girl I'd travel back to '04 and "drop some love on your page". And then shoot myself like Looper.
If your fotos are all next to the Eiffel Tower, the Pyramids at Giza, and the Mayan ruins: you want me to know that you love to spend money. Thanks for the warning up front.
If all your fotos show two or more women - I'm very sorry, but I can't really tell which one is you... I really tried! I don't have time for Where's Waldo...
If your fotos are all made up of you plus 5 other girls: I've read this means you have intimacy issues and need the approval of your friends all the time. No joke here, just food for thought...
If all your fotos are of your tramp stamp: stay classy, San Diego.
If your fotos are only neck up: are you a centaur? Or a mermaid or a faun? Cuz that's cool.
If your fotos are all of you snowboarding down glaciers, scuba diving volcanoes, base jumping the Freedom Tower, and landing the Mars Rover with your bare hands: I'm exhausted just watching.
If your fotos are all of you in halloween costumes: that's hot. I ain't gonna lie, I love a girl in a halloween costume. So if you're into cosplay, call me! Let's go to comicon. Also hot: yoga poses on mountain tops and beaches. I can't help it.
If your fotos are all of your radiant smile and the twinkle in your eyes, you are, to quote Charles Sheen, winning. We just wanna see *you* in your pics, you don't need any bells and whistles.
Feel free to make fun of my pics! :)
Looking for a fun gal with a good heart and a great sense of humor, who loves life. Preferably who enjoys white boys who are good with computers and can play heavy metal guitar. Also looking for decent Mexican food in NY.