I enjoy petty theft, running with scissors, and memorizing pointless quotes of classical works. I actually know where Atlantis is and am willing to show you in exchange for an orange smoothie, which is the only currency I acknowledge. If I’m about to blow out the candles on my birthday cake and someone says “Make a wish”, if I can’t think of a good one in a reasonable amount of time, I’ll fake a seizure to buy myself a few extra minutes. I enjoy using expressions that seem thought-provoking until you actually think about them, such as “Decisions shape destiny”. I can bake 30 minute brownies in 22 minutes. I have always believed very deeply in my heart that if the plural of mouse is mice, then the plural of spouse should be spice. My mom thinks I’m cool, yet I find myself to be single.