Hello, and welcome to my profile.
My name is Gabriel, and I am a physician. I enjoy what I do immensely. I think it is the best job in the whole world.
I’ve been practicing medicine since I was 5 years old. Oh, yes... it’s true. My very first patient was Kermit The Frog or rather a stuffed animal that looked like Kermit The Frog. Years of abuse by my hands left him with a dangling eyeball and a torn arm. I decided that something needed to be done. So I found a needle and some thread and haphazardly sewed (err, I mean sutured) him back together. He was as good as new except for the fact that his eyeball came out all crooked and the arm I attempted to repair ended up shorter than the other arm. Oh well, who could blame me? Afterall, it was my first surgery. At least he didn’t die of an infection. Anyway, after the “operation” I promptly discharged him into my closet where he remains to this day. Actually, come to think of it, he’s probably dead by now. I don’t know. How long do stuffed animals live?
When I was 8 years old I became a board-certified general surgeon. Okay, well maybe I didn’t become a board-certified general surgeon, but I was really good at playing a classic board game called Operation in which the player takes on the role of a surgeon and removes small bone-like fragments from a cartoon character using a tweezer. The point of the game is to remove all of the fragments without touching the metallic edges of the game board. Whoever collects the most fragments wins. This is where I developed my fine motor skills and my intimate knowledge of human anatomy. Imagine my surprise in my medical school human anatomy lab when I discovered that the human body was nothing like the way it was portrayed in the game. Boy did I feel cheated out of the $10 I spent on that game. One day I’m going to write a stern letter to Milton Bradley (the makers of Operation) expressing my fervent discontent. Ha! That’ll show ‘em.
Then at the age of 12, I treated my first real-life human being: my brother. Well, I think he’s human – I’m not sure. Anyway, he was playng barefoot outside and caught a splinter in his foot. Every step he took was agonizingly painful, or at least he made it seem that way. He was only 7 years old at the time. Anyway, upon closer examnation of his foot, I found this huge, gigantic, enormous, mother-of-all splinters lodged right into the sole of his foot. It was a freaking twig! It must have been one, maybe two, inches long. Well, to be honest, I was looking at it through a magnifying glass. In retrospect, it must have been maybe 1mm long at most (barely visible to the naked eye). Anyway, after a thorough examination, I promptly determined that I would have to amputate my brother’s foot... err, I mean remove the splinter. So I got my tweezer, found the splinter, and pulled it out. I discharged my brother home that very same day! Isn’t that amazing? I told him that he needed to drink plenty of fluids and get lots of bed rest, but he just ignored me and started running around outside again. He’s been trying to sue me for medical malpractice ever since.
Okay, okay... enough anecdotes. If you’ve read this far, you probably want to know if I’m for real. The answer is: yes! With me, you get the full package: I’m smart, funny, and good-looking. I am at my best when things are at their worst. I know exactly what I want in life, and I’m not afraid to do what is necessary to achieve my goals. I possess many skills, but none of those skills come close to beating how good I am at making my special someone feel like she is the most important person in the world. I make an awesome doctor and an even more awesome boyfriend! All I’m looking for is an awesome girlfriend.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my profile. I hope to hear from you soon.
