I'm going to summarize myself without having to type, "I like movies, dogs, and traveling."
I don't enjoy laughing. My cosmetologist said I'll get wrinkles that way. I'm on Match competing for the interest of so many beautiful young women, I just can't risk it. I threw away all my Will Ferrell movies, especially "The Other Guys" and "Anchorman." Watching poker and golf is better for the skin.
I also stopped watching The Daily Show for my news. Not only is Jon Stewart neither fair nor balanced, but he could give me laugh wrinkles. I've since switched to NPR only.
My life coach suggested I start clubbing because it's important to surround myself with what I want to be successful. No more amazing craft beers at pubs with close friends. That's sooo boring.
She also suggested I not cook anymore because all the young women these days are going retro. This means I have to conform more to the old gender roles. I thought it was the opposite, now that Obama's President, but I guess not.
This also means I can't expect a girl who's into the outdoors. A proper woman stays free off dust or sweat, she said. It makes sense. I would feel uncomfortable with a strong woman as a partner. If she's too confident, she might kick or something. That would not be hot.
How do you think I'd feel if she had her own opinions, an education, or worse, intellectual curiosity? That's right, intimidated. It's one thing to be intellectually stimulating, but let's not get out of control. I'll watch Fox News if I want intellectual stimulation.
Well, I'm rambling now. I don't want to take away all the mystery of getting to know me. I look forward to hearing from you, but please remember to be a lady when you contact me.
