Hello! My name is Nick. I moved to LA a couple of years ago from London. I am English originally but I also hold Australian and New Zealand passports as a result of a lot of travel when I was a child. As a result, nowhere is what I'd call 'home', and I can switch nationalities on a whim as the social situation demands it. If someone says they fancy New Zealanders as a result of watching Flight of the Conchords you wouldn't believe how fast my accent changes.
I am easy-going, slightly reserved, relaxed, unfailingly polite, pleasant, and immensely nerdy, but I can hide the nerdiness amazingly well. You will suspect nothing, until it is far too late.
I know for a fact I'm nice because today I braked suddenly to avoid running over a cat.
I am always listening to music. My favourite artists include The Beatles, David Bowie, Fleetwood Mac, Kate Bush, Bat For Lashes, Roisin Murphy/Moloko, Prince, Florence and The Machine, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, The Sisters of Mercy, Underworld, Bat For Lashes, The Smiths, Duran Duran, Led Zeppelin, Chromatics, Wu-Tang Clan, and a ton of other stuff in all genres. Basically I like a lot of bleak, miserable synthpop. I like the sort of wistful, depressing music made for staring out of the window and crying softly. You can probably get a mixtape out of me without trying too hard.
I do martial arts basically every day so I don't become grossly obese as a result of stuffing my face with amazing American food. I've been doing it for about 7 years. I can break pieces of wood with my hands, all that stuff. I could almost certainly beat someone up who was much smaller than me and drunk. Anyone else, couldn't say for sure. Please don't get me into a fight with someone in a bar just to see if I am really tough.
If you and me are going to make this crazy thing work, it will help if you:
- Swear a lot, or at least sometimes. I swoon for girls who swear and make dirty jokes.
- Are nerd-friendly. You don't need to have a favourite X-Man but Watchmen is legitimate literature these days.
- Have some tattoos. I love tattoos, despite having none of my own.
- Are not really religious. I am not particularly concerned with what people believe but I maintain a pretty keen interest in sinning. If your religion allows sin, that is fine.
- Like the Beatles. I don't trust people that don't like the Beatles. What are you trying to prove?
- I don't understand people who write "I love to laugh" in their profiles. Do you just constantly laugh for no reason? Who are you, the Joker? Where are the people who hate laughing?
Here are some things I do that annoy my friends. If none of these sound that bad, man, it might be on.
- I cannot sit facing a wall in a restaurant.
- I drink really girly drinks. I have nothing to prove and like chocolate. If I want a pina colada at lunch then by god I am going to get a god damn pina colada and nothing anyone says is going to convince me it's inappropriate.
- I can't work out how much to tip in restaurants. Actually it's not that I can't, it's that I won't, because I resent having to do maths after dinner. If we ever got together you would probably have to do this for the rest of your life.
- I won't say 'bless you' when someone sneezes. It's stupid. I just won't.
- If people misuse the word 'literally' I will get quite picky. Correct usage of the word 'literally' is what separates us from the animals.
- I occasionally make TERRIBLE jokes. The kind of jokes your father would make. You're allowed to hit me afterwards.
