I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice while formulating communication theories. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Laotian refugees. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in welding, a veteran in ornithology, and an outlaw in Cambodia. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. On Wednesday afternoons, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a textbook analyst, and a ruthless Taoist zealot. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA, and I'm told my life was the inspiration for Tomb Raider. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep only between chartreuse satin sheets. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis on twelve seperate occasions.
If you're the right guy, you should definitely be tall, and hopefully older (at least by a few years.) I have to say that looks are deceiving so its easy for me to make mistakes about character, especially online. If you're from abroad that's a plus, if you're local and totally cynical that's even cooler. Please just have an interesting life. I have my own, and I plan to be myself no matter who comes along. So that means I'll be completely nuts and you can be the person that's grounding me just a little. Don't let me go way over the top. You know, if you could just be that great guy who walks through the door and the only person you want to see is me then you'd definitely be on my "swell list." And don't apply if you can't give me my daily allotment of physical touch (i.e., I need at least 20 encounters a day-- that's not exactly sexual, it just means that I need to be with someone who will be able to deliver me lots of pettings.) Ciao!
