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Notafunnyusrname

* Disclaimer - I'm really not all that funny I...

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Active within 24 hours

43 year old woman
Matthews, North Carolina, United States

Seeking:
men 36-49
Within:
75 Miles of Matthews, North Carolina, United States
Relationship:
Divorced
Have kids:
Yes, they live at home (3)
Want kids:
No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
Height:
5'1" (154cms)
Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
Smoke:
No Way
Drink:
Social Drinker

 

ABOUT HER & WHO SHE'S LOOKING FOR

* Disclaimer - I'm really not all that funny I promise. Read forth with all seriousness.

* I have three kids and they are the most important thing in my world.

* My workouts are inconsistent. I'm soft and curvy. I'm not super fat and I'm not skinny. If you work out, great, I'll be happy to drool over you, but don't ask me to run a marathon with you. That would be tragic.

* Men who work out are sexy. Shush now, I know I'm a hypocrite.

* I eat like a little kid, I have the worst diet EVER. I love fast food, cookies and Diet Pepsi. I'm addicted to Taco Bell. Sorry, but I don't cook. That's what microwaves are for.

* Men who cook (and do dishes) are sexy.

* I think I'm the only person on here who doesn't get to travel, hike, run, play on the water or relax at the beach. I wish I could. Instead I do laundry and dishes in my spare time.

* There seems to be a lot of living life to the fullest going on around here. I'm not positive that I know exactly what that means, but I'm pretty sure I don't do it. I think maybe I live life to the halfest.

* I'm always late. If we go out expect me to be at least 15 minutes late. Just tell me to meet 30 minutes earlier than you really want me there and I might actually be early. Think about it.

* I'm really bad about returning texts and emails. I'm not a huge fan of phone calls. You've been warned so please don't get all fiesty with me.

* I'm raising my kids by myself, so I don't have a ton of free time. Makes me supermom, but hard to schedule with. Patience.

* I love confident, take charge, manly, mysterious men who make me laugh, have great smiles, and look hot in t-shirts (biceps mmmm). Men who make me feel important to them are the best. I want to matter to you damn it.

* If you pick your nose, please don't do it in front of me. For Gods sake brush your teeth and use deoderant.

* Please have current pictures up. I don't care how hot you were ten years ago. I looked better ten years ago too.

* No pictures? I won't respond to your email. That's very suspicious. I will assume you must be hideous. That "I have a public job" excuse is stupid. We all have public jobs.

* If you're in your 20s please note that I'm not Mrs. Robinson (look it up). If you're in your 60s please note that I already have a daddy. Age is not just a number.

* I'm naive so please don't lie to me. I might just believe the lies coming out of your lying lie hole and then you'll burn in hell for being a huge douchetard. I don't want to feel responsible for your eternal damnation.

* I don't have a lot of tolerance for dumb-assery. I don't get the whole winking at me from Kentucky or some other place a million miles away. I have trouble dating people more than an hour away. My ultimate goal is to find someone special to have a real relationship with, not a pretend internet boyfriend that may or may not actually be a pimply faced teenager.

* That "friends with benefits" business, yeah well, not gonna happen here. I'm not the HR department. If you're in your 20s you might want to read that part again.

* I'm sooo not a country girl. I hate most country music (I guess I like a couple of songs and that Luke guy is hot), I'm allergic to horses and I don't know any line dances. Wranglers, big belt buckles and cowboy hats just aren't my thing.

* I drive too fast. I'm super short. I wear t-shirts with my hair in a pony tail and no make up on when I'm at home. I HATE being tickled. Massaged yes, tickled NO.

* I sleep in a tiny little corner on the edge of my king sized bed. I sleep on my tummy. I don't snore.

* And just so you can't say that I didn't say anything positive, I have really cute feet. I would post a picture of them just to prove it, but you know some guys get all pervy on here.

Interests:
Book club, Camping, Coffee and conversation, Dining out, Gardening/Landscaping, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Exploring new areas, Nightclubs/Dancing, Performing arts, Playing cards, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing, Video games, Watching sports, Wine tasting
Sports & exercise:
Aerobics, Baseball, Billiards / Pool, Bowling, Football, Golf, Dancing, Inline skating, Swimming, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines, Yoga, Other types of exercise
Exercise habits:
I exercise 1-2 times per week
Pets:
Pet Essay:

Yeah, I'm allergic to cats, horses and farm animals. Doesn't mean I don't like them, I just can't breathe when I'm around them thats all. Breathing is overrated anyway. Nothing a little Benadryl or an Epi pen won't cure.

Political views:
Middle of the Road
Sign:
Leo
College:
Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College, Baton Rouge, LA
For fun:

What do I do for fun? Why, I check out match profiles of course. Isn't that what we all do? Are we having fun yet?

Favorite hot spots:

I used to live in Palm Desert, Ca. That place is hot. Hot tubs are hot, I like hot tubs. Saunas are hot, but I don't like them. I suppose I should answer this seriously, but where is the fun in that? Show me new hot spots. How about that?

Favorite things:

Seat warmers in winter (gotta love a hot a**). Thunderstorms. Scary movies. Forehead kisses. Disneyworld. Good pillows. Jeeps. The smell of suntan lotion. Candle lit bubble baths. Green lights. Campfires. Road trip candy. No homework nights. Biceps.

Last read:

I read hot romances (so much more exciting than my life) suspense (I like to be scared), true crime (facinating) and bad Match profiles (scarier than anything else I've ever read), but really, I think the last thing I read was Green Eggs and Ham.

ABOUT... HER HER DATE
APPEARANCE:
Height:
5'1" (154cms)
5'10" (177cms) to 6'2" (187cms)
Body type:
About average
Slender, About average, Athletic and toned
Eyes:
Blue
Black, Blue, Brown, Grey, Green, Hazel
Hair:
Blonde
Auburn / Red, Black, Light brown, Dark brown, Blonde, Salt and pepper, Dark blonde, Bald
   
LIFESTYLE:
Smoke:
No Way
No Way
Drink:
Social Drinker
Never, Social Drinker
Occupation:
Medical / Dental / Veterinary / Fitness
No preference

I'm an RN in a psychiatric hospital for kids. I get peed on, puked on, bled on, spit on, bit, hit, kicked and called nasty names for a living. For real.

Income:
I'll tell you later
No preference
Relationship:
Divorced
Never Married, Widow / Widower, Currently Separated, Divorced
Have kids:
Yes, they live at home (3)
Yes, and they sometimes live at home, No, Yes, and they live away from home, Yes, and they live at home
Want kids:
No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
Not sure, Probably not, No, No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
   
BACKGROUND/VALUES:
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
White / Caucasian
Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
No preference

I'm a Catholic by grandparental association only, but I think I still remember when I'm supposed to sit, stand and kneel. I don't really want to be a practicing Catholic because they seem to be the ones who always get possessed in scary movies.

Languages:
English
English
Education:
Bachelors degree
Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral

GEAUX TIGERS!

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