Write something about myself... I haven’t written anything in what seems like years. I mean really written, just sat down and typed my heart out. I used to love to write. I would write poems, short stories, and considered starting a novel once. At one point in high school I was told to never stop writing, I guess my work was enjoyable to read. But I can’t seem to get back there. My mind is like a fog these days, like there is a whirlwind in my head of ideas, feelings, fears, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, things recently remembered or things previously forgot, and an intense need for something more. I sit in my bedroom in silence, except for the low hum of whatever song happens to play in iTunes, constantly wondering… what’s next?
I graduated in May 2009 from USI with a degree in Graphic Design, but after five years of wondering if sticking with that degree was the right thing to do, I am regretting it. It’s fun and I love being able to do a bit of freelancing when it’s available, and combining my love for cake decorating and my Graphic Design experience makes for unique and interesting cakes. And I do love being an artist. But it is not something I want or yearn to do for the rest of my working life. What do I want to do then?
My passions and motivations are varying and at times conflict each other. I am for people and animals, for freedom of speech and imagination. I am a dreamer with a realists’ perspective, and a realist with a dreamer’s motivation. I believe people should be who they want to be and love who they want to, even if it conflicts with other’s beliefs. I am confident that the next generation can grow better than the generation before, if they are given a chance. Humans are given abilities that are denied many other species. If there is a flaw in their design, something that makes them weak, an easy target, or generally unadaptable, they will eventually die out. We, however, can grow bigger than our pasts and rise above it. Our pasts should not be held accountable for current actions. People make their own fate/ destiny, whatever it is you believe in, nobody does it for them. I love to watch people and how they interact with each other, although sometimes I find it hard to interact myself. People amuse me.
I have realized that life is too short to sit back and watch it pass you by, to just set your mind on cruise control and not notice anything around you. Being trapped inside my mind, which I am a lot, has become an irritant at best. There are so many things I want to say, but I wasn’t blessed with oratorical abilities and therefore can’t passionately express in spoken words what I want too. So, I believe I will keep writing. I need to write, to get back my lost abilities or to learn something new about myself. Maybe doing this will help me figure out what the hell my next step in life is and who I might take it with. I wonder what I will make of my desinty…