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tatsurfboy

My profile sucks...DON'T READ IT!!!

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Active within 2 weeks

38 year old man
Los Angeles, California, United States

Seeking:
women 25-38
Within:
50 Miles of Los Angeles, California, United States
Relationship:
Divorced
Have kids:
No
Want kids:
Definitely
Ethnicity:
Other
Body type:
Athletic and toned
Height:
6'1" (185cms)
Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
Smoke:
I'll tell you later
Drink:
Social Drinker

 

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

Fine, I warned you...

First of all, I should let you know that the camera my pictures were taken with was broken at the time, I'll show you the receipt. I look WAY worse in person. Ever notice how hot guys are A'holes…thank god I'm below average.

Okay, so here's the deal: I live in a mansion made out of chocolate bars, which I'll let you eat if you've got a note from your doctor saying that your blood sugar is dangerously low. Not impressed yet? Keep reading. I can actually lift a full grown panda bear over my head...ladies I'm talking about with one friggin' hand, while sitting indian style on a slip n' slide from Wall*Mart's bargain bin. Still not impressed? Keep reading. I ride motorcycles, that's right, two of them at the same time, in different directions. Still not impressed? Seriously? Keep reading. I have a tree in my backyard that grows shoes...and Gucci purses. Wow, you're tough. Okay. Check. This. Out. I have a genie in a bottle, it's a guy, who's twice as good looking as me and I'll let you borrow him whenever you want. Wait…I'm not done. My genie's name is Brad Clooney.

What type of woman am I looking for? Great question: You must look like Angelina Jolie. Sorry, no exceptions! Unless you look like Taylor Swift if Taylor Swift were older than the take out left overs in my fridge. Otherwise, forget it. Unless you look like Khloe Kardashian's sister Kim Kardashian. Or...I'm thinking...or that one girl from the makeup commercials who looks like she's got lipstick on even though she just washed her face. She's kinda cute, right? Or maybe that girl from that hair commercial where her hair looks like silk even though she's on her period and just rolled outta bed. I mean, she looks a little b!tchy but that hair, wow! But most importantly I'm looking for a woman who dresses like a Victoria's Secret model and who would love nothing more than to wash my car(s) in slow motion [must be very clumsy with hoses and love blowing soap bubbles!]. That's basically what I'm looking for in a woman. Oh...and you must be so hilarious that you are constantly being mistaken for a standup comedian by real stand up comedians. Otherwise, I'm so totally NOT picky. And if I sound like a prick it's only because I'm super laid back…like, I'm totally laying down in bed writing this.

*OKAY, SO IT SHOULD HAVE OCCURRED TO YOU while reading my profile that I'm making a mockery (hopefully in an entertaining way) of a guy's typical oversell profile and his demand list for the perfect girl, whatever that is? And if you're the 1% who still doesn't get the joke, or can't read, we obviously aren't a match. ;)

What I'm really looking for: A cool girl who is positive, grounded, and likes to live life in every regard. Life isn't a dress rehearsal, this is the real deal, so let's live it...shall we? :)

WHAT I DO WITH MY LIFE FOR REAL (Stop reading anytime, this part really starts to get crappy...)

I'm a screenwriter/TV show creator (wait hang on, I haven't been able to get a show on the air…yet…so no you haven't seen it. Sorry, put the remote down. lol). With my last show, I was working on it with the people who did NIP/TUCK, so you can probably imagine what the concept was like (sexy/dark/slightly twisted). I don't write comedy. I'm pitching a new show to HBO in a few weeks. The concept is epic, fairly heady and political in some regard, but it's got sex/drugs/violence, don't worry. Can't specifically say what it's about…top secret ;) Actresses need not apply. If my show 'goes' I'll find you through your agent. Thanks. :)


Interests:
Coffee and conversation, Business networking, Dining out, Gardening/Landscaping, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Exploring new areas, Nightclubs/Dancing, Performing arts, Playing sports, Political interests, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing, Volunteering, Wine tasting
Sports & exercise:
I'll tell you later
Exercise habits:
I exercise 3-4 times per week
Pets:
I have Dogs
Political views:
Some other viewpoint
Sign:
Virgo
College:
I'll tell you later
For fun:

Surfing
Tattoos
Foodie
Tequila
Beach
Vegas
Wine
Palm Springs
Concerts
5-star
Dive bar
Spontaneous Day trips
Passport stamps
Finding new music
Skateboards
Cuddling (what? it's true)
Dirty Martini
John Varvatos
Charity
Friends

Favorite hot spots:

Bazaar. Mozza. Red Medicine. INK. STK. Sushi. Etc...

Favorite things:

Puppies. Stuffed Animals. Unicorns. Rainbows. Dew on grass. That kind of thing...

Last read:

Whatever I or a friend is writing...and guess what, I hate both of them. lol

ABOUT... HIM HIS DATE
APPEARANCE:
Height:
6'1" (185cms)
3'0" (91cms) to 8'11" (271cms)
Body type:
Athletic and toned
No preference
Eyes:
Black
No preference
Hair:
Black
No preference
   
LIFESTYLE:
Smoke:
I'll tell you later
No preference
Drink:
Social Drinker
No preference
Occupation:
Artistic / Creative / Performance
No preference

Screenwriter

Income:
I'll tell you later
$150,001+
Relationship:
Divorced
No preference
Have kids:
No
No answer
Want kids:
Definitely
No preference
   
BACKGROUND/VALUES:
Ethnicity:
Other
No preference
Faith:
Spiritual but not religious
No preference

Mother Ocean is my church. Surfing is my religion.

Languages:
English
English
Education:
Some college
No preference

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