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Are all your pals getting hitched this summer… except you? Here’s how to cope, find the other single cuties hiding in the crowd, and have a ball.
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By Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause
 h, June. Remember when you could barely contain your excitement about the start of summer? So when did those days spent poolside, deciding what ice-cream flavor to have, turn into days spent trucking to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy an ice-cream maker… for someone else? Forget baseball, for those of you in the Bridal Wave, this time of the year means the kickoff of America’s other favorite pastime: wedding season. If this is the year all your friends are decamping to Club Wed, you’re going to need a game plan. Below, a playbook for getting through the next few months keeping your single self feeling happy and self-fulfilled in spite of all the brides bustling around you.
Know that you don’t have to attend every celebration
Pencil all the dates on a calendar early, and |  | | Get the heads-up on who’s available from an in-the-know bridesmaid. |
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then step back and evaluate your weekends. If you find you are booked nearly back to back with bachelorettes, bridal showers, and big days, consider sending in a few “regretfully declines.” Just because you’re invited to your second cousin’s wedding in Boise doesn’t mean you have to go. Some guidelines:
- A-Team Only: If you didn’t get a save-the-date and your invite shows up within a month of the grand fete, chances are you’re a B- or C-lister. Save the weekend for yourself, claiming prior engagements.
- The Obligatory Invite: Are you someone’s boss? Do you suspect someone forced the B2B (bride to be) to invite you? Do everyone a favor and decline.
- Away Games: The increasingly popular destination wedding is oftentimes an “un-vitation.” The couple wants a small affair. So help them make it just that—or, if you do show up, add on a week, have a friend meet you, and make it a worthwhile vacation all on its own.
Scout out a wedding buddy
If you’ll be hitting a wedding solo, recruit a pal as early in the process as possible. (Hint: At the engagement party, she’ll be the girl in the corner looking like she’s having as much fun as you are.) Wedding-buddy duties include: sharing gag-me looks at the shower, having a ball on the dance floor together, and saving each other from some overly drunk, touchy-feely guest. Another buddy benefit: someone to split expenses with if the wedding is in St. Bart’s.
Don’t drag along a mediocre date
Just because you were invited as a “plus one” doesn’t mean you should necessarily bring one. Leave Mr. Understudy, the guy who’s in love with you and just waiting for his cue despite your obvious lack of romantic interest in him, in the wings where he belongs. Mr. Understudy can be quite tempting when you’re feeling particularly lonely or bummed about your single status, | | | Just because you were invited “plus one” doesn’t mean you should bring one. | |
but bringing him will only give him false hope, and make you look taken in a sea of possible Mr. Rights. The same is true for your Mr. Boomerang, the guy you keep getting back together with. You might have a great night and contemplate giving him another chance, but you know how it is going to end: He’ll do that thing that drives you crazy and you’ll break up with him. Again.
Let an in-the-know guest hook you up
Get the heads-up on who’s available and worth your time on the dance floor from an in-the-know bridesmaid or the B2B at one of the pre-game events. There’s nothing that makes the almost-married happier than having a hand in coupling up her single friends. (Except for maybe landing one of those big-ticket registry items.) Bonus: Don’t restrict your picks to the guest list. The band, the bartender, and the waiters are all fair game.
Treat yourself so you’ll feel fabulous
Buy a fabulous new dress, belt out your favorite song, or borrow your best friend’s snazzy clutch: whatever it takes for you to walk into the reception looking and feeling your best. You are in control of how much fun you have in nearly every situation. Go in thinking you are going to have a terrible time, and chances are, you will. And remember, happy people are attractive people. Who knows, the guy behind you in the conga line may be your next date…
Avoid common danger zones
Until the cake has been cut (and you should stay ’til then), myriad pitfalls await you. Three to prepare for:
- The League of Concerned Citizens. Nosy relatives and even complete strangers will ask about your relationship status. The best way to avoid them? Stick to the dance floor. The electric slide may not be your favorite, but it’s better than launching into a lengthy discussion about your love life with someone’s Great Aunt Edna.
- “Calling all single ladies…” As soon as word of the bouquet toss spreads, step outside for some air or head to the bathroom. Whatever it takes to avoid the awkward moment when you either catch the bouquet and face the nosy relatives all over again or miss it and have them make jokes about how in fact the flower girl who caught the posies will probably beat you to the altar.
- Beware the open bar. Nothing says wedding wig-out like letting your inner drunk girl out. When it comes to hitting the hooch, stick to the one for one rule: one glass of water for every glass of booze consumed. And make sure to eat your free dinner.
Find your own fun
If all that talk of love and luck and meant to be is still getting under your skin, entertain yourself with things like picking out the couples that will end the night in a scene-making fight or estimating how long it will be before the groom’s great uncle realizes that he lost his toupee mid-Macarena. No one said the conversation has to hover around the wedded couple’s impending honeymoon, how happy they look, or their post-marriage plans to buy a home and have kids. In fact, some people will be dying for a refreshing change in subject.
Ward off post-wedding blues
A weekend spent celebrating someone’s wedded bliss while you go home alone can send you into a downward spiral of self-doubt and recrimination. Pre-empt a sad Sunday of What’s wrong with me? and Maybe I should have given Ron another chance by having plans with your most upbeat friend. Have a decadent lunch, go on a hike, do yoga. In other words, revel in your freedom. Not convinced? Rent Little Children, We Don’t Live Here Anymore, or another movie about miserable married people, and realize that marriage doesn’t necessarily make you happy.
The thing is, you never know when your singledom will end, so enjoy it while you can. There are tons of married women who would kill to be as free and breezy as you are. Justify their jealousy.
Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause are co-authors of The Bridal Wave: A Survival Guide to the Everyone-I-Know-is-Getting-Married-Years. They can be reached through their website thebridalwave.com.
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What’s the best way to de-stress before a blind date? |
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30% |
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Working out |
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48% |
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Playing certain music |
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22% |
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Getting a pep talk from a friend |
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