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Finding Your Fireworks


Turn that spark with your date into full-blown fireworks this Independence Day…

By Margot Carmichael Lester

f you haven’t dated much lately or been in a relationship since… hmm, you can’t quite remember, you may worry about your ability to turn a spark into full-blown fireworks. So we asked a few experts to reveal their top tips for fanning the flames of a new romance. This advice ought to have your love life as hot as a sparkler on the Fourth of July.

1. Be inquisitive
Dr. Debra Mandel, author of Healing the Sensitive Heart, says one of the best ways to lay a good fire is to
Ask a lot of questions; show a real interest in your date.
really get to know your date. “Show genuine curiosity by asking a lot of questions about your date’s feelings and thoughts about life and love,” she counsels. “People love to feel that others are really interested in them.”

2. Pucker up
“I’m a big believer in kissing,” says Emily Dubberley, author of Things a Woman Should Know About Seduction. “Research has shown that couples who kiss regularly but don’t have sex are likely to have more successful relationships than couples who have sex regularly but don’t kiss. It’s sexy, sensual and bonding.”

3. Use technology
“I love sending short, flirtatious emails or text messages or slipping a note into his pocket that he will find unexpectedly later that day,” says Patty Brisben, founder and CEO of Pure Romance, a sexy party
Flirt with a short email or note in your date’s pocket.
planning company. “These little notes don’t just incorporate me into his thoughts—they also build up anticipation for when we see each other again.”

4. Eyeball it
If you and your date are open to new and interesting experiences, here’s one for you to try: “Stand facing each other in a comfortable, relaxed and open posture and gaze into each other’s eyes,” says Mark Michaels, author of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. “This creates a powerful energetic circuit, has a harmonizing effect and recreates the experience of falling in love. We encourage couples to do this as a daily practice, but it also comes in handy as a way of short-circuiting conflict.”

5. Dress the part
“Wear a particular outfit that makes you feel sexy,” Dubberley offers. When you start dating someone, let the person know you are wearing it because you know he or she likes seeing you in it. That heightens your connection.

You may not feel comfortable executing every one of these tips, but give a couple of them a try. If you do, you’ll not only have a blast this summer, but you’re practically guaranteed to light up the night sky with a date. What have you got to lose?


Margot Carmichael Lester is a freelance writer in North Carolina. She loves fireworks and met her husband on the 4th of July.
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