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Turn-Ons… No Touching Required!

Want to light a fire without appearing too forward? Then follow this advice on subtle but sexy moves to make.

By Jennifer Benjamin

ou’re in a dimly-lit restaurant, making flirty eyes at him over a bottle of wine and feeling sexy as hell, thanks in part to that pricey French lingerie hiding underneath your demure, yet alluring, outfit. Yep, it’s that pivotal third date, one in which you’ll both be able to tell whether or not this match is packing any heat. Of course witty repartee will make it a night to remember, but if you can inspire his naughty thoughts as well, he won’t be able to get you out of his head. This early on in the game though, less is more, so try out these subtle ways to turn him on… without even touching him. (One note: Men can smell desperation from a mile away, so only pull the seductive moves that come naturally to you—otherwise, it may seem like you’re trying too hard.)

Dress the part
While you don’t want to show up looking like a soccer mom, sporting an outfit from the
Offer him a bite of your food—a very intimate move!
Pam Anderson school of style isn’t all that appealing either. “Men find it sexier when you leave something to the imagination,” explains Joy Davidson, PhD, Manhattan-based sex therapist, author of Fearless Sex and creator of the Joy Spot videos (www.joydavidson.com). “Wear a top that’s slightly low-cut and shows just a hint of cleavage or one that’s a little bit open in the back, to create a more subtle, come-hither look.”

Share with him
Back in grade school, a fear of cooties meant you were always mindful of someone else’s mouth on your juice box. As adults, we have the same sort of awareness, only in a date scenario, it elicits more of an “Aww, yeah” reaction rather than an “Ewww, gross” one. “Sharing a straw or a fork with a potential mate is seductive and inspires feelings of intimacy,” says Davidson. “So, if you think it’s something he’ll enjoy, offer him a sip of your drink or a bite of your food after you’ve had a taste.” He can’t help but be cognizant of how close your mouths were… once-removed.

Play faux-footsie
You might not immediately consider your feet to be a particularly alluring body part, but you can work those lower extremities to your advantage. Wear open-toe shoes that will dangle off of the top of your foot, and then cross your legs so that your shoe is just barely grazing his pant leg. “You want to gently get his attention with this move because the rocking movement of your foot will subliminally indicate sexual energy and interest to him,” says Darcy Luadzers, Ph.D., author of The Ten Minute Sexual Solution.

Be hands-on
Men have active imaginations, so it’s not that hard to get their engines revved up. “I was out with this guy at a bar that happened to be really chilly,” recounts Lisa, 29. “As I started rubbing my shoulders and my upper arms, I noticed that every body part I
Swaying to the music shows your comfortable in your own skin…
touched, his eyes followed. So I subtly ran my fingertips along my neck, really slowly and softly. I could tell he was eating it up and by the end of the night, he was all over me.”

Make him read your lips
Your mouth can have a mesmerizing effect on him, so draw attention to this sexy area. “Succulent foods like fruit or indulgent drinks like a flavored martini or cappuccino with cream, when consumed slowly and deliberately, convey sexuality and sensuality, and bring his focus to your lips and tongue,” says Luadzers. Another turn-on trick: Reapply your lip gloss at the table, taking a little more time with it than you would if you were by yourself.

Flash a little skin
Give him a sneak peek at what you’ve got going on under those clothes by feigning an “oopsie” moment. “Let your cardigan or tank top slip off, revealing your bare shoulder, and leave it there for a moment before pulling it back up,” suggests Davidson. Or, enjoy a full-body stretch. Ted, 31, shares this story: “I wasn’t sure I was attracted to my date, but then during drinks, she leaned back and stretched her arms above her head, revealing a little bit of her very tanned stomach. It also pulled her shirt tightly over her breasts. It was like a switch flipped and suddenly, I realized her major sex appeal.”

Feel the beat
When a woman can dance, it shows that she not only has rhythm, but that she’s comfortable in her own skin as well. “If the bar or restaurant is playing good songs, even if you’re sitting down, sway your hips or your shoulders or even just nod your head to the beat,” suggests Davidson. The way you move to the music gives him a glimpse of what your body can do.


Jennifer Benjamin is a New York-based freelance writer who frequently covers sex and relationship topics.
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