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5 Signs He’s Into You (And 5 He’s Not)

You meet someone, but aren’t sure he’s interested. Read his body language to suss out his true feelings.

By Chelsea Kaplan

aving trouble figuring out your guy’s level of interest in you? Sometimes, the proof is in his body language. To understand what your honey’s movement, eye contact and even posture reveal about his true feelings for you, check out these hints from Greg Hartley, former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language.

Five signs your date is into you…

1. He closes the distance
“First and foremost, moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate
If he talks in a soft voice, it’s an excellent sign.
contact,” Hartley says. So if a guy you’re talking to at a party inches a little closer as you talk, or your date slides into the same side of the booth as you, you know he wants to get to know you better—and not as a friend.

2. He speaks softly
When a man talks in a quieter voice, it’s an excellent sign, Hartley explains. “He’s indicating that what he’s saying is for your ears only,” he says. “If he’s telling you something private or secret, it’s a good thing—guys don’t do that to women they’re not into.” If you want to let that soft-talker know you feel the same way, respond in kind, which should quickly turn those sparks into an all-out fire. Caveat: If you’re in a loud bar or restaurant, where you have to shout to be heard, you can’t tell anything by his decibel level. So wait until you’re walking or driving home to see whether he’s turned the volume down.

3. He rounds his posture
Hypermasculine body language (think: swaggering walk, standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, etc.) serves to attract women from a distance. But when a guy is talking close-up with a woman he likes, he will soften, or “round” his body language, Hartley notes. If your guy’s squared shoulders cave in when he’s chatting with you, he’s indicating that he feels comfortable and secure in your presence.

4. He talks slowwwly
Like birds in a mating dance, men typically talk more slowly and softly when they are attracted to someone, Hartley explains. Of course, if he knocked back a few gigante lattes on a first date, he may be too wired (and nervous) to sound like Barry White, but give it time: If his speech starts to make you feel sleepy, he’s a goner.

5. He can’t take his eyes off you (in a good way)
So his eyes are locked on yours? As long as it isn’t a psycho stare, but rather a lingering, heavy-lidded, “Wow, you’re amazing” gaze, that guy is digging you big-time, Harley says.

…and 5 signs your date isn’t into you

1. He’s four feet away
If his motto may as well be The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”, he’s not feelin’ you romantically, Hartley says. How do you
When a guy focuses on your lips, he’s trying to avoid eye contact.
define “distance”? “If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that’s his heart’s not in it,” says Hartley.

2. He stands at an oblique angle facing you
“Most men do not realize that when talking to another man, we stand at oblique angles, with one shoulder facing the other’s face, yet when we talk to women — especially ones we’re interested in romantically — we stand face-to-face with them,” Hartley says. If your guy’s shoulder is pointing in the direction of your face during conversation, he’s subconsciously showing disinterest or is trying to turn you off, Hartley explains.

3. He sounds like that guy in accounting
If your date is talking to you like you’re someone at the office — meaning the pace is quick and the level of his voice is rather strong — “he’s probably just trying to keep it to friend level,” Hartley says. With time, you might notice a change — after all, he just might want to keep it “professional” on the first date or two while he gets to know you — but if it remains this way after a few dates, cut your losses.

4. He stares at your mouth
When a guy focuses on your lips, what he’s really trying to do is avoid eye contact, Hartley explains. “If he’s avoiding eye contact, you can pretty safely assume he’s not into you,” he asserts. If your date fixes his gaze below your face, he’s probably interested in you, but perhaps not for a long-term relationship, if you know what we mean…

5. He’s out of sync with your body language
When a guy is romantically interested in you, he will mimic your body language, so if he doesn’t copy you, gesture for gesture, odds are he isn’t smitten, Hartley says. To test the waters, try leaning in closer to you date, using your hands to emphasize what you’re saying. If your guy does the same, it’s a great sign. But if he keeps his hands still, pulls away or takes a step backwards, he may be unavailable or just plain not interested.


Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broadminded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com.
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