The Great Date Escape

Another crazy tale of online dating... Don't miss the great date escape!

By Dee Anne Merriman

hey’re baffling, bizarre and even humorous—though mostly after the fact. Online dating has its own reservoir of wild and crazy dating stories. While they range from the outrageous to mere comical bumps in the dating road, each can offer some valuable dating insights and lessons. Here’s Joanne’s story:

The great date escape
“I had only gone out with a few guys since my divorce when I stumbled into the online dating world. I was excited about meeting someone, though, and once I posted my profile, I quickly skimmed through the photos of my matches. I wasn’t really reading the profiles, but I noticed a photo of a guy hugging his Lab.

I was so stunned by his toxicity that I sat there tongue-tied.
Being an avid dog lover, the picture touched my heart. I thought that a guy so devoted to his dog would have to be a pretty good guy. So I talked with him briefly and set a date to meet for a drink after work.

I was so nervous driving to the restaurant. Due to an unusually hectic day, I was running ten minutes late, so I decided to use the valet parking to save time. Sitting down at a booth, I spotted someone I thought might be him so I went over to check it out (a most uncomfortable thing to do). I was relieved that he was the right guy.

That ended up being my only relief of the evening.

After some small talk, I dubbed him Negative Ned. He started by venting his disgust at all the “plastic” people; I never understood what he meant by that. He then moved on to bad jobs and the high cost of housing. He claimed that many women are gold diggers, and he added that at our age dating was just a business. I thought he must have been going bankrupt.

When I happened to mention that I had just stopped dating a younger guy, he gave me quite an angry lecture and started calling him my “Boy Toy.” After that he would twist anything I said; I was so stunned by his toxicity that I sat there tongue-tied.

Suddenly and without saying a word, he got up and went to the restroom. When he came back, he proceeded to describe the “real him.” He revealed to me that he had the same charismatic affliction as Clinton and Kennedy. He could and should never be limited to just one woman. I felt like I was being interviewed for a harem. I decided against asserting my values for a positive, monogamous guy. I didn’t want to bring up the subject again.

Shock took over as I sat there in one of those “I can’t believe this is happening” episodes. Oh, why didn’t I check him out more before agreeing to a meeting? Why didn’t I read his profile instead of just falling for his photo? My only thought was... how to get out—fast.

Then he did it again. He got up without saying a word and went to the restroom. For the first time, I was thankful for male bladder problems. I knew it was not the right way to handle the situation, but the flight impulse overtook me. I made a break for it. I grabbed my purse and ran out of the restaurant into the parking lot.

I really would rather have gone out with his dog.
I rushed over to the valet attendant and told him briefly what had happened so he’d get my car ASAP. Luckily my car was parked up front, and he got it to me just short of a minute. I jumped in and screeched out of the lot back to tranquility, as the attendant waved goodbye, smiling and laughing.

I now call it the Dog Date because I really would rather have gone out with his dog. That’s why I picked him. Shame on me. At least I can look back now and laugh at the experience.

Lesson Learned
I learned that ignorance in dating is not bliss. Don’t jump the gun and go meet a guy (or gal) just because of his (or her) dog. Dating is like a box of chocolates. There definitely are a wide variety of people out there with different flavors of values, attitudes and lifestyles. No one is all wrong or all right. I just needed to determine what types are my best matches and take the time to search them out. Find out what you need to know about a person such as values, lifestyle and personality. Ask good questions and read his or her profile. There are a lot of good match people out there. Like achieving anything worthwhile in life, it takes persistence, patience and faith.”

Dee Anne Merriman is a freelance writer who has contributed to Happen magazine.
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