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5 Types of Sex You Must Have


You mean there’s more than one? You bet. See if you’ve had them all—you’ll be a better lover and partner as a result of your experiences.

By Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.

ex: As far as many single people are concerned, if they’re getting some, they’re happy. But have you tried all the kinds of sex there are to sample? I’m not talking about sex in different positions or places or with different people. I’m talking about how certain sexual experiences are rites of passage of sorts that can help you grow as a person—or within a relationship. We’re not saying they rival soulful sex with your one and only (when you meet that person, that is). But they can be interesting experiences along the dating road of life. So see if you’ve hit all the biggies below. And if you haven’t, consider giving it a go should the opportunity present itself… and reap the benefits.

Type #1: Sex you’ve waited for
Sometimes, in the realm of sex, good things do come to those who wait. Not only does
Sooner or later, everyone should say to their sweetie, “Lie still and don’t lift a finger.”
holding off for awhile give you time to get to know and trust one another, it allows the sexual tension to build to even greater heights. That way, when you do finally consummate your relationship, the sex is incredible. Derek, a 24-year-old from York, PA, found this out when he dated a woman who wanted to wait awhile before jumping into bed. “Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get busy sooner,” he admits. “But ultimately, it was for the best. When we finally did make love, she could let go and completely give herself because I had proven myself worthy in her book.” One caveat: Make sure your love interest knows that lack of sex does not equal lack of interest. Drive this home by saying something like “I really like you and am attracted to you but wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex until we know each other better.” Any thoughtful date will happily put on the brakes.

Type #2: Sex with someone you don’t know very well
Most infamously known as the one-night stand, sex with someone you don’t know very well can be like a wonderful vacation: thrilling, brief, free from weighty questions about long-term potential or settling down. Maybe it’s hooking up with someone you’ve dated a few times but know there isn’t long-term potential there… or maybe it’s getting busy with someone who’s not your type, just for that change of pace. It’s just sex for its own sake—and whether it’s a 5-star performance or just plain awful, it may well become a memory to cherish and regale your friends with for years to come. In any event, always remember to keep it safe: Use condoms, limit your alcohol intake, and don’t abandon your usual common sense (we’re not talking about sex with a random stranger here). While casual sex isn’t for everybody (and if you have doubts, of course, don’t do it), many will find it liberating to realize they can indulge in a night of passion without the responsibilities of being in a relationship—in fact, a prime time to try it is after you’ve emerged from long-term romance and aren’t ready to become part of a new duo just yet. Just ask Shira, a 30-year old yoga instructor in Somerset, PA: “Such pursuits were especially important to me in the time period following my divorce,” she says. “When I’ve done this, it’s generally because I’m not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun. And that’s what I’ve had!”

Type #3: Make-up sex
Sooner or later, all couples fight—and afterwards, you’ve got two choices. You can a) Give your sweetie the cold shoulder and wait until things cool off, or b) turn sour grapes into wine by engaging in make-up sex. First off, it’s hot. Second off,
Sometimes, in the realm of sex, good things do come to those who wait.
it’s the fastest way to put your minor tiff back into perspective—a powerful relationship tool all couples should learn to use, and often. “My boyfriend and I fight on a regular basis, so I find make-up sex is very healing and necessary,” shares Shira. “Make-up sex reinforces our love and need for each other and why we’re staying together, trying to make things work out no matter what. When I’m back in his arms after a heated argument, I feel safe – and a huge sense of relief.”

Type #4: One-way sex
’Tis better to give than to receive is more than just a cliché. Sooner or later, everyone should say to his or her sweetie, “Lie back, and don’t lift a finger. Tonight I’m going to please you, period.” Here’s why: For one, it’s just plain nice and will make your honey feel truly cared for. That was definitely the case for Carol, a 32-year old grad student in Ocean City, MD: “The love of my life is amazing to me in so many ways—kind, generous, and selfless,” she says. “So I decided to surprise him one night by slipping into a very sexy new piece of lingerie. I lit a few candles, rubbed my hands with a lotion he loves… I wouldn’t let him do a thing in return—it was all about him. It was a very erotic experience for both of us and a way to show him that I enjoy pleasing as much as I enjoy being pleased!” There’s a side benefit to offering one-way sex: It will allow you to really focus on what turns your lover on—and take notes that’ll improve your love life for the long haul.

Type #5: Sex where you try something new (and not necessarily successful)
A gravity-defying sexual position gone wrong, a not-so-clever quickie in cramped quarters, or playing with a spreadable edible that leaves you feeling more sickly than sexy… what drives lovers to try sexual feats that are bound to bomb? Quite simply, even if it’s disastrous, it’s fun—and a bonding experience. Just ask Steve, a 35-year old writer in New York City: “We tried the ‘chocolate sauce all over the body in bed’ thing. What a mess!” he says. “It was kind of hot at the time, but the next day it looked like one of us had had an accident.” But there were benefits. “We learned that fantasy is sometimes better than reality,” he says. “And we laughed about it for a while. In truth, I think the experience brought us closer together because it showed we could laugh at ourselves.” So if there’s something you’re curious to try, go for it! When it’s a sexy success or a “let’s not try this again” moment, it’s a win-win situation either way that’ll bring you closer.


Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sexologist, TV personality, and the author of Sex with Your Ex and 69 Other Things You Should Never Do Again. She is the co-host of SIRIUS Maxim Channel 108’s “Sex Files,” and the sex expert for Comcast’s “Dating on Demand.” Her website is www.sexualitysource.com.
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