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Is He Into You?


Want to know if a guy really digs you? Keep a lookout for these tell-tale signs. Plus: the one word he might say that gives it all away.

By Michael and Tim Burke

or the past few years, thanks to the breakthrough book He’s Just Not That Into You, women everywhere have been duly warned of all the ways men try to wiggle free from relationships without ever really saying so. Many single gals owe their sanity to this book, which taught them to stop wondering why he didn’t call and just accept the truth: that it wasn’t meant to be. Still, amidst all these downplayed expectations we got to wondering: Don’t women also want to know when guys are in hot pursuit? To that end, we’ve interrogated a small army of men (and some savvy women) to uncover some tell-tale signs he actually is that into you, whether you’ve just met or have been dating awhile. Read on for the good news.

He can’t relax
Keith Duncan, 31, wasn’t exactly excited to tell us this, but “There always seems to be a
If he uses the word “we”, that’s a very good sign.
bit more pressure on me when I’m talking to a girl I really like. The room gets warm, I don’t feel as humorous as I usually am, and I keep hearing in my head ‘don’t screw this up.’” And that can only mean one thing: He’s trying his darndest to impress you.

He connects the dots
If he remembers or refers to things you said earlier in the conversation or at an earlier point when you two first met, it shows he’s been paying attention. And since this is not generally one of our stronger traits, it can really mean something.

His focus is on you and only you
If a guy is looking to just pick you up, he’ll never fully commit to you. He’ll always be looking for his Plan B. So if his eyes are wandering around the bar or at the party, beware. If he stays put and is devoted to you, it’s all good. Johnny McDonnell, age 30, admits, “There are times when I know my buddies will give me a hard time because I’ve spent the entire night talking to the same girl, but if I like her I really don’t care.”

He sneaks in a “we”
If, instead of “I” and “you”, he throws out the word “we” a whole lot, this a great sign. He’s trying in his own bumbling way (because we’re not that shrewd) to see if he can put the two of you together. David Wygant, dating expert and author of Always Talk to Strangers, agrees that “pronouns are the most important thing,” and adds, “If the guy says, ‘You know we should go ice skating sometime,’ he’s fishing to see if you’ll bite.” He hopes you’ll like the sound of it and agree.

He leads you on—in a good way
If he casually drops, “Have you heard about such and such restaurant?” or declares, “I’ve gotta go see that movie,” in legal terms this is called “leading the witness”: He’s throwing it out there hoping you’ll tack on, “Yeah, me too.” So pay attention. This is our brilliant
That’s a good sign he’d like to see you again.
way of getting around directly asking you out and exposing ourselves to the crushing blow of rejection. Because hey, that hurts, and we’d rather put out feelers first. So if you get the feeling he’s fishing, that’s a good sign he’d like to see you again.

He’s happy to be somewhere that’s normally not his scene
And he’s happy because he’s with you. Seth Reimer, 30, tells us,“ I can remember going to a club that I would never want to set foot in because I knew a girl, who is now my wife, would be there. The place was awful, but she made me want to go every night until I could get her to go out with me.”

He makes an effort with your friends
As Jared Piccolo, 28, puts it, “The friends are the gatekeepers,” he says. “If you don’t get past them, you’re out.” So see if he’s going beyond the bare minimum of polite small talk and really trying to bond with your pals. If he is, then he’s trying to fit into your larger life, and that’s definitely a good sign.

He eagerly brings you into his inner circle
We guys can often easily separate our dating lives from our regular lives. In fact, we often prefer to keep the two worlds apart. However, the women we really like quickly meet our friends, see our favorite hangouts (making sure she approves) and so on. Tim admits that when he was single he kept dates he wasn’t interested in long-term far away from his regular circle. “It made things clear, distinct and free of complications when it ended.” If he’s introducing you to his pals and favorite spots, on the other hand, congrats—you’re getting woven into the fabric of his life.


Michael and Tim Burke are brothers and the co-authors of Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guy’s Gotta Do While He Still Can.

For the other side of the story read Is She Into You?

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