| Sign |
The bright side… | The bad side… |
Aries: Men
Solid warriors,
hunter more than gatherer.
|
• Opens car doors and is generally chivalrous.
• Does what he says he’ll do. | • Forgets a date because of work and is unrepentant: You should understand. • May quote Machiavelli with relish.
|
| Aries: Women Game and fearless,
up for anything.
|
• Can fix your car with only a how-to book.
• Puts gain before pain. |
• Bossy to the point of insufferable.
• Makes WWF pros look like wusses—so much so that it can be hard to reveal your soft side around these women. |
| Taurus: Men Earthy and relaxed,
stoic and stable.
|
• Will re-landscape your home without being asked.
• Gives good investment advice. |
• A bit of a skinflint.
• Won’t change his clothing even if he smells. |
| Taurus: Women Down-to-earth, non-critical. |
• Can cook almost anything.
• Will make even a jail cell feel cozy. |
• Insists on crocheting ugly blankets.
• Won’t answer the phone. |
| Gemini: Men Smart, energetic and non-judgmental.
|
• Funny to the point of tears and stomachaches.
• Best friend you could ever hope for. |
• He’ll tell everyone you’re wearing a girdle.
• He’ll have you thinking it’s OK that he cheated. |
| Gemini: Women Curious, caring,
unflagging.
|
• Always ready to go out and flirt shamelessly with you.
• Will always find a way to make you happy. |
• Always ready to go out and flirt shamelessly with someone else.
• Won’t stop talking long enough to hear you say you’re mad. |
| Cancer: Men Homey, caring, fond of cooking shows. |
• Will circle the wagons and stand by you in any circumstance.
• Home life comes first. |
• Inflicts moodiness on the entire household.
• Does not like your friends and makes sure they know it. |
| Cancer: Women Ardent nurturers, reluctant socializers.
|
• Is devoted to your well-being.
• Celebrates every small moment of your life. |
• Exerts concern that can smother and control that can madden.
• Refuses to forgive for years, even lifetimes. |
| Leo: Men Proud, honorable, comfortable holding sway over a room of people.
|
• Smiles, charms and makes you feel as if you’re the best human being ever.
• Finds a good time in any situation. |
• Turns his smile on once too often.
• Feels entitled to everything but work. |
| Leo: Women Purrfectly happy with themselves and delighted to share. |
• Optimistic and jovial, she’ll always find the silver lining.
• Great parties, lots of friends, and good times. |
• She’ll have only the best clothes… and the bills that come with them.
• A slightly patronizing tone that seems to signify you (and everyone else) are inferior. |
| Virgo: Men Together, quick-witted, artful problem-solvers.
|
• Actually enjoys taking your stress on his shoulders.
• A foodie who will do the research and make reservations. |
• Stress-related injuries that make him short-tempered.
• Screamingly bad indigestion when food is not well prepared. |
| Virgo: Women Perfectionists when interested, deconstructionists when not. |
• Whirlwind of taste and efficiency that increases your quality of life.
• Nurturing, loving and impeccably dressed. |
• Overwrought, hard to please, and has a tendency to set traps when suspicious.
• Needs bathroom breaks at the most inopportune times.
|
| Libra: Men Carey Grant-style charm and ease.
|
• The guy every single woman wishes was hers.
• He’ll make you smile, hold your hand, and love you without fear. |
• Habitually encourages crushes from other women.
• Looking at himself in the mirror while he’s talking to you. |
| Libra: Women Smart, pretty and sure of it.
|
• Engaging conversationalist who makes you feel smart even if she’s smarter.
• A love of the good life and the ability to make it happen. |
• Eying another guy who has a bigger wallet.
• The silent treatment when you pick a fight. |
| Scorpio: Men Deep, mysterious and irresistible.
|
• A little eye contact and suggestive touch, and you can live for days without nourishment.
• Never a dull moment in bed or anywhere else. |
• Unrepentantly suspicious.
• All too frequent (and apparent) bouts of depression. |
| Scorpio: Women Livewire sexuality with nun’s habit secrecy.
|
• Sexy beyond any known measure.
• Mobster-like loyalty and the street cred to back it up. |
• Prone to character assassination when hurt.
• Crippling fear of being unworthy of a relationship. |
| Sagittarius: Men Half-man, half-horse—a strong, speedy stud.
|
• Sparkling charisma with James Bond-like confidence.
• Always interested in what you’re doing. |
• Intolerant of mundane details like car registration renewal and paying parking tickets.
• Will not remember to call home when he leaves town. |
| Sagittarius: Women A bright lights, big city kinda gal.
|
• Eyes that tell you a long and interesting story that you want to be part of.
• Ability to make sweeping the floor (or whitewashing a fence) look fun. |
• Allergic to responsibility and can’t be trusted to make mortgage payments or send birthday cards on time.
• Loves excess. |
| Capricorn: Men “Prove it” types who want solid lives.
|
• Dependable, stable, unwavering in his commitment.
• Unpredictable passion that surprises you. |
• A little too careful, cautious and couch-dependent.
• Addicted to his BlackBerry / voicemail / email / cell phone. |
| Capricorn: Women Calm, cool and publicity-shy.
|
• Supportive, strong, and wise beyond her years.
• Quietly matches your mood and tenderly respects your needs. |
• Tendency to act older than her years when tired or depressed.
• Remote to the point of being cold when hurt. |
| Aquarius: Men Ardent thinkers and cause-makers.
|
• Presidential charisma regardless of his lot in life.
• Uncommonly fun with a no-cares attitude. |
• Arrogant evangelists without a cause.
• Stubborn to the point of personal decay. |
| Aquarius: Women Eccentric and easy-going.
|
• Indie-movie sensibility.
• Accepting, loyal and up for love. |
• Needs a lot of space in body, mind and spirit.
• Wants to do really weird things to remind you how wacky she is. |
| Pisces: Men Tough guys with hearts of gold.
|
• Loves candlelight, romance and grandiose gestures.
• You can physically feel his commitment and love. |
• Heart of ice when hurt or angry.
• Can drown in booze if the dark side wins. |
| Pisces: Women Lilting lovers of life.
|
• Soft-focused lovers and nurturers who really care.
• She’ll find beauty in everything humanly possible. |
• Defensive or passive-aggressive, whatever works.
• Will stalk for details about anything remotely suspicious. |