Dating Diary - One Woman’s Story Part 9

Having fallen hard for yet another unavailable guy, our writer seeks out a therapist. Will a little head-shrinking help? Answers ahead.

By Maggie Kim

n the last installment of Happen’s dating diary, Maggie decided she needed some professional help after getting involved with yet another unavailable man—her drummer, James, who has a girlfriend. Will a therapist help her steer clear of these doomed relationships? Read on for the answer.

Tuesday, 2:57 p.m.
Had my first session with Mary, my new therapist. It was weird. Telling a total stranger about all the goings-on in my life in 45 minutes felt contrived and awkward. I mean, I
James and I started furiously kissing. It was seriously hot.
love talking about myself as much as the next person, but I’m not someone who likes getting all deep and personal right away—it usually takes me years, if at all! But I suppose I should try something new. Since clearly, what I’ve been doing so far, in terms of relationships, is not really working for me. I told her all about D. and a little about James. (I can’t believe I’m still this hung up over D., by the way.) Anyway, after a slow start, the 45 minutes zoomed by, and I’m seeing her next week. I feel like such a stereotypical, neurotic New Yorker now!

Wednesday, 11:02 p.m.
We’re getting ready for our gig in Philly this weekend. Had a good practice. James and I are really locking in with each other when it comes to the songs. I can’t say what’s going on with us outside of music, though. Since our drunken make-out session a few weeks ago, he’s been acting pretty distant. At least, thank God, I convinced him to not confess to his girlfriend what he’d done—honestly, what good would have come of that? We also agreed that what happened between us was a mistake and that we’d keep things strictly professional between us from here on out. Still, since then, he’s largely given me the cold shoulder, and I can’t say I like it much. Making matters worse, I think I like him. Really like him. Should I let him know or will that only lead to more trouble?

Friday, 4:00 p.m.
Leaving for Philly now. The band and I are really excited. Apparently, it’s going to be a huge crowd, thanks to the promoter. Nothing’s more depressing than playing for three people who’d rather you stopped playing so they can drink in peace!

Saturday, 7:31 p.m.
Oooohhh. Bad things happened last night. Starting with an open bar. An amazing gig. Shots of Patron tequila. Dancing on table tops. AND some major drama between me and James. The entire band got a little too drunk, and James and I wound up dirty dancing together. Then we went back to our friend’s house and while the rest of the band crashed, James and I met up in the kitchen
James and I barely spoke the entire trip.
and started furiously kissing. It was seriously hot. But both of us stopped before things went further, and I ran back to the room I was staying in and conked out.

The ride back to New York wasn’t great, considering everyone was hung over. James and I barely spoke the entire trip. But when we got back to our rehearsal space to drop off our gear, he and I got a moment alone together. “We don’t have to have a big discussion about this, do we?” he asked, smiling. “No,” I agreed. “No need as long as everything’s cool.” He hugged me and said, “Everything’s cool.” Great—we don’t have to have a long heart-to-heart about this. It’s bad enough I have to bring this up with my therapist next week.

Monday, 10:42 p.m.
I was bummed for the rest of the weekend. In part because of the tequila bender but mainly because I don’t get what James and I are doing. I mean, am I just a convenient hookup for him while his girlfriend’s away? Does he feel anything for me besides physical attraction? Is he planning on ending things with his girlfriend? Ugh. I’m actually kind of looking forward to seeing Mary tomorrow.

Tuesday, 4:10 p.m.
Well, Mary thinks James is a bad idea. Especially because of my history with unavailable men. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, according to Benjamin Franklin. Or was it Einstein? I guess I should take either guy’s word for it! So I’m going to stay as far away from James as I possibly again. No contact outside of rehearsals and gigs. But will I be able to do it?

Maggie Kim is a musician ( who’s living and dating in New York City.

Click here to read the previous installment of this dating diary. Click here to read the next installment. Click here to read our guy writer's diary.

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