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Love Online - An Expert’s Advice


Our Internet love guru tackles people’s top questions and offers his best (and very simple) success strategies.

By Evan Marc Katz

t’s a fact: Online dating has helped millions of people find a fantastic partner. But no one said it happens overnight—and if you’re still looking, it’s tempting to get frustrated at times. As an online-dating coach, I hear the gripes, and three tend to crop up more often than others. That’s why I’ve decided to tackle each of these issues and provide a little perspective. Hear me out, and you may find yourself riding more smoothly over the inevitable bumps in the road to love.

Question #1: Why does it take so much time to find someone I like?
Ever hear the saying, “Nobody ever dies saying he wished he worked more”? We can pretty much all agree with that one, right? So if that’s the case, why are we inclined to spend infinite amounts of energy pursuing our careers, but very little compared to our love lives? When you’re unemployed, you’ll do everything in your power to procure a
Why do we spend infinite amounts of energy on our careers, but very little on our love lives?
great job. But when you’re single, you’ll say things like, “It’ll happen when it happens” or “I just want to meet someone easily—and soon.” Remember, the reason we all signed up for an online-dating site was to increase our chances for finding a great mate. And that opportunity is there daily, with literally millions of people in Match.com’s database and thousands of new people signing up each month. So why throw in the towel after a few failed attempts?

One more thing: Ask yourself how many times you’ve fallen in love in “real life” while bumping carts with someone in the grocery market or in a similarly “natural” way. Twice? Three times? The point is, it’s rare. Now, is there any reason to think it would happen faster now that you’re dating online? Of course not. Take your time. Recognize that this is a process, like job-hunting or losing weight. And most importantly, stick around for the long haul. You’re now networked into millions of great single people—it’s now a matter of investing the time to find the one who’s right for you.

Question #2: Why do so many of the “wrong” people contact me? Doesn’t anyone read my profile?
You walk into a bar. A stranger offers to buy you a drink. What are the odds that you’re talking to your future spouse? Pretty darn slim, right? Well, same goes with the patrons of online dating. If you’re only attracted to 15 percent of the people you meet in “real life,” why would that percentage be exponentially higher on the Internet? So, don’t get too bent out of shape when you receive winks or emails from people who don’t interest you. It’s normal. It’s others’ right to take a shot at meeting you—and it’s your right to politely decline. While the volume of suitors on Match.com might be hard to handle, keep in mind that the more options you have, the more likely you are to have the right person contacting you, too.

Question #3: How do I know if people dating online are “players”? I’m looking to get serious.
A recent online dating study indicated that 75 percent of the people dating online were looking for a long-term relationship. This is not to say that, due to the seemingly infinite number of people online, it doesn’t become trickier to focus on one person.
Forgive people who disappear after a date or two.
But it’s important to emphasize that the majority of online daters are not interested in dating for sport. They are probably here, just like you, for the right reasons. That said, if you are relationship-minded, you will of course want to weed out the profiles that refer to such things as “looking for fun,” “keeping it casual” and other terms that suggest this person is not looking for commitment. That will help you avoid the people who don’t want to settle down anytime soon.

Now, let’s say you did have a date or two with someone… and you didn’t hear from that person again. Yes, this person might be a player… but most likely, this individual didn’t get in touch again since your time together didn’t point to a long-term relationship, either due to chemistry or timing. And since both of those things have to be there in order to have a future, there’s no point in lamenting about “players.” Forgive people who disappear after a date or two—and trust that when it’s right, you’ll both know how to proceed.


Evan Marc Katz is the founder of online dating profile writing service E-Cyrano.com and the author of the book Why You’re Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad.
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