Dating Diary - One Woman’s Story Part 4

This week, our writer realizes she may still be in love with her ex—and learns why emailing two guys at once can be dangerous. Details ahead.

By Maggie K.

n the last installment of Happen’s dating diary, Maggie had heard from her ex, D.—the guy she could have sworn was The One. But is he truly interested in rekindling a romance, or just toying with her emotions? As Maggie ponders this possibility, she’s continued flirting with Ivan, a guy who was a little overeager to get her in bed on their first date but has since been on his best behavior. Will her past and present love interests lead to trouble? Read on to find out.

Tuesday, 12:15 p.m.
My ex D. and I have been emailing and IMing like crazy since last weekend. I know it’s not good for me, but I’m so much happier being in touch with him. Isn’t that pathetic? Alyssa and Robbie think it’s a mistake to let him back into my life at all, but I can’t seem to help myself. Making matters worse, it’s not like he’s begging to get back together.
It’s clear I’ve got to end all ties with my ex before I get majorly hurt again. Only how?
He’s still “confused” and not sure how to make our relationship work, but he doesn’t want to let me go, either. I’m such a sucker, aren’t I? Not to mention I got drunk last week and emailed him a sappy monologue about how much I missed him and can’t think of anyone else. Ugh. So much for making him work to win me back.

Thursday, 10:10 p.m.
On Robbie’s urging, I texted Ivan. It’s been about a month since our first date and weeks since we’ve been in touch, although I’ve been way too wrapped up in the “Return of D.” to notice or care much. But Robbie insisted that I give Ivan a shot because he thinks D. is too immature to ever step up to the plate and try for a real commitment. So I texted Ivan and said we should meet up sometime soon. No response. Hmmm. Has he lost interest? I guess it wouldn’t be surprising. What kind of guy would wait over a month to go on a second date with a girl who’s been hot and cold?

Sunday, 2:25 p.m.
I finally got a text back from Ivan. He said something like he’s been so busy and that we’ll meet up once he comes back up for air. Translation: He’s met a new girl and has his hands full romancing her. I didn’t take it personally, and sent him what I thought was a cute reply: “I take it ‘so busy’ means you’re seeing someone new. No worries. We’ll get together if and when you have a chance. Have fun!”

Well, the text I got back from Ivan was furious. He accused me of jumping to conclusions, said that I was ridiculous to be jealous, that he was wary of dating me because it seemed like I was on searching for a serious relationship rather than just having fun. Does he think that because I turned down his offer for a sleepover on our first date? Since when does that automatically mean a woman’s obsessed with having a relationship?!

I’m not going to take that lying down…

Tuesday, 4:41 p.m.
It’s day two of the War of the Words with Ivan. After his incendiary text, I had to defend myself.

Since punching my indignant response into my tiny cell-phone keypad would have only driven me to further states of irritation, I moved to a more typing-friendly medium, email (honestly, does anyone bother to actually talk anymore? Doesn’t seem so, and I’m as guilty as the next person). In my email, I said it’s funny the conclusions he jumped to about me. First off, I wasn’t jealous or surprised that he’d have started dating someone
When he leaned in for a kiss, I gave him my cheek instead. Without skipping a beat, he asked for my number...
else in the month since our first and only date. Second, I told him it was ludicrous that he assumed I was only out for a serious relationship purely because I wouldn’t sleep with him on the first date. Last but not least, I told him that there’s no way I could be hung up on him yet, since I’d just recently ended things with an ex-boyfriend—whom I was still in love with, I added for emphasis.

While I thought my diatribe would subdue Ivan, it only backfired. “If you’re still in love with your ex,” he emailed, “you’re too emotionally confused to be out there dating again.” What?! Since when are you not allowed to date because you’re still not over your ex? Uh, hello, isn’t that why there’s a whole term for that kind of date, “the rebound guy” (or girl)? And last I checked, Ivan’s degree was in finance, not psychoanalysis—who is he to tell me I shouldn’t be dating?

Wednesday, 1:29 p.m.
Ivan and I have called a truce. I know I can get really vicious with words, the pen being mightier than the sword and everything, and he’s no slouch in that department, either. After he accused me of looking for a “white knight to swoop in and rescue me,” I zinged back by sharing that I am looking for a man who treats women with respect, care and yes, chivalry, but more power to Ivan that he’s found girls who are happy with his boorish behavior. But I finally waved the white flag when he sent me, “Please don’t call, text or email me again!” That made me feel bad, so I answered, “Sorry, Ivan, I still think you’re very handsome, intelligent and interesting. Take care.” He wrote back immediately, saying he thinks the same of me, and let’s not push each other’s buttons like this, especially if we meet up in the future. Though I can’t imagine what fighting with him would be like if we really got to know each other, if this is what it’s like after one date!

So I’ve cleared up all that bad karma, but now I’m left with absolutely no dating prospects whatsoever. And no, I haven’t cut off contact with D. like I probably should. What’s more, I just tried D. on his cell phone and he didn’t pick up. When I tried again, he sent it straight to voicemail. I can’t believe this. He’s probably out on a date with someone while I’m moping around my apartment. I just can’t stand men right now. And it’s clear that I’ve got to end all ties with D. before I get majorly hurt again. Only how?

Maggie Kim is a musician ( who’s living and dating in New York City.

Click here to read the previous installment of this dating diary. Click here to read the next installment. Click here to read our guy writer's diary.

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